Soul bound Strangers

13. Butterfly

"He isn't" 

Lan zhan took his sunshine in his arms and caressed the little one's back in a soothing way, as JiXian continued to sob. 

Lan zhan waited for his sunshine to share what happened. 

"Grandfather took… Suibian away." 

JiXian complained, his voice cracked in the middle.  

"He said mother is bad." 

Though Lan zhan didn't remember telling the sword's name to his little one, he listened until JiXian completed what he had to say. 

At the end of the whole story, he understood how much Wei ying's sword meant to JiXian. 

"Papa, how is mother like?" 

JiXian had forgotten about the fact that this was a topic his father had never given him a chance to discuss. 

It's not like Lan zhan hated to talk about the person, but he didn't know whether it would be too much for a little kid to take. 

"If I tell you about your mother, Will my little sunshine be happy?"

Lan zhan cannot promise his little one to give the sword back as it was seized by his Uncle. Instead he can at least divert the kid from asking for the sword. 

JiXian nodded his head rushedly. 

Lan zhan started from his first sight of Wei ying and their travel together till the birth of JiXian. Initially he didn't think of telling the complete story, but he forgot himself after he began. The memories took him back to the past and the pain it brought was fresh.  

"Why did mother leave us?"  

"Mother loved the outside world." 

Lan zhan looked at the unblinking eyes looking at him and explained, 

"Mother didn't like to be confined in yunshen forever." 

"Um" 

JiXian seemed to be thinking of something. 

"Why didn't mother take us with him?" 

"Does father love yunshen more than mother?" 

"Why didn't father follow mother?"

The questions came continuously from JiXian, without leaving a break for Lan zhan to respond. 

Ofcourse, for JiXian's age, it was normal that he would have hundreds of doubts and questions on everything. But the kid didn't know that he was the first person to question his father on this topic. 

When Wei ying disappeared, everyone doubted his motive, badmouthed him, but no one questioned Lan zhan. Poor Wei ying had no one to stand for him. Lan zhan too had it worse as he was not sane enough to think what others talked or what happened around him. 

Lan zhan didn't answer the questions his son asked him.  

"I did search for him. I was willing to do anything for him."

JiXian didn't question any further and silently got up to get ready for the classes, while Lan zhan was still in a daze. 

Right before the father and son started from jingshi, they had a visitor. 

Qiren being the grandfather of JiXian had never hurt the child even once. This was his first time, and that too because of the child's unqualified mother. He cannot bear to let the child move away from him, hence he visited jingshi personally, to talk about the sword to his nephew. 

After discussing Lan zhan's journey, Qiren brought up the sword topic. 

"I confiscated JiXian's sword. I know he must be upset, but I did it for his own good. We cannot let him get attached to it, knowing his mother's memories will only make him weak." 

JiXian, who was sitting next to them, looked at his father hopefully. 

However as Lan zhan remembered, it did make his son weak. He got so attached to it in a short span that he caught a fever when it was taken away from him. So he couldn't refute. 

JiXian excused himself from the elders and walked out of the room. He understood that no one is going to give him the sword now. 

He missed his mother. 

Everyone knows his mother except him. 

Shouldn't he be the one to know his mother more than anyone else? 

How is it fair for him? 

Even the sword was taken away from him. 

For the next few days, JiXian rarely spoke to Lan zhan. Lan zhan noticed JiXian having an expression like he had too much to think about. Lan zhan was worried that JiXian might fall sick again if it continued. So he reminded his sunshine that he can tell him if something bothers him.  

The next day Lan zhan voluntarily explained to JiXian that grandfather is worried for his own good and that the sword will be returned to him when he is ready. The prolonged silence that his son maintained between them, did not do any good to Lan zhan's mind. 

After a week of deep thinking, JiXian finally was ready to talk to his father. He knelt down in front of his father like he had something important to talk to him about. In normal days Lan zhan would feel proud about how much his son abided by the Lan clan rules, but today Lan zhan felt nothing but anxiousness. 

It reminded him of his own childhood when he knelt down in front of Jingshi, demanding to see his mother, who was no more. 

"Father, JiXian wishes to go see mother." 

"Get up. You can go to your mother after you grow up." Lan zhan mustered up his courage to squeeze the words out of his mouth. 

"Mother is alone. JiXian must go." 

"Why is everyone finding it easy to leave me?" The question was just above a whisper, but JiXian heard it clearly. 

"Father can come with JiXian. Father is not alone, mother is." 

"Father has Uncle Xichen, grandfather, Jiang grandpa and grandma, Uncle cheng, Aunt Yanli…" 

JiXian counted one by one with his fingers, and stopped only when all of his ten fingers had names to add. 

"What if your mother doesn't want any of us?" Lan zhan felt bad asking this, but it was only with his son he could show his real emotions. 

"Did mother say that she doesn't need us?" 

Lan zhan felt tongue tied. 

"You can go when you are a grown up. Get ready for classes." Lan zhan responded and left the room not ready to cry. He had been strong, he believed he was strong, but.. he isn't.