You and Me? Never

Blake's POV

Every time I look into her eyes, I swear I see the stars. I see my favourite person, my soulmate, my girl. It sounds insane, even to me, but I believe your soul knows when you've found your match. Maybe that's why I couldn't stop thinking about her after we first met, when I've never looked at the same girl twice before. Maybe that's why I was delusional enough to go back to that club every night after, hoping I'd see her again.   

There was just something about her that made my subconscious scream mine, even though I knew nothing about her. I didn't realize it then, but I do now.     

All I know is that it took a shit ton of effort to get her out of my mind even weeks later. I guess that's why I didn't recognize her immediately at that party. My brain just couldn't process the fact that three months later, she was finally there.     

I spent that whole night obsessing over it because I was certain that we've met before regardless of her denial. Eventually, everything clicked and I just couldn't believe it. Couldn't believe she was right there.          

I even asked Matt about it because he would've been the only other person to have seen her that night. Unfortunately, that fucker was of no help because he just shrugged and said, "could be man, I don't know I was pretty drunk that night."    

That's exactly why I tracked her down after practice the next day. I had to know if I was losing my goddamn mind. When I found out she was from Canada, I knew I wasn't. I knew I was right.            

The fucked-up part of this whole situation is that she seemed to not remember me, which was a nice blow to my fucking ego. I couldn't get her out of my head for a good few weeks after that night and here she is, having not even given me a second thought. Regardless, I knew I wanted to get to know her. I wanted to know why I was so drawn to her. I knew I wasn't going to waste this opportunity.

And then I did. I fucked it all up and I was pretty sure she'd never speak to me again.       

The problem was, that by that point she became something more than just a curiosity. She became somewhat of an obsession. I wanted to spend all my free time with a girl for the first time in my life and I knew I was acting insane because I had just met her.              

I guess that's why I reacted like a fucking asshole when I saw her kissing someone else. I experienced jealousy for the first time in my life and I didn't fucking like it. I just knew I needed to protect what was mine.           

I was so angry with myself afterwards because the look of hurt on her face is what keeps me up at night. I have no idea what I was thinking, but I swear I didn't mean it. As soon as it came out, I wanted to take it back. I was so ashamed of how I treated her, but what scared me the most is the fact that I could see something switch in her, right before my eyes. I could literally feel her guard going up and her shutting me out. That's exactly when I knew that I ruined everything.

I didn't know what to do, I didn't know if there was anything that I could do. That week was without a doubt one of the worst weeks of my life. I was losing my fucking mind and grasping at straws. I was literally willing to do anything to fix it. To go back to how it was.

When nothing worked, I was devastated. To be honest when I bought those cookies, I bought them because I knew they were important to her. I knew they meant something to her, and I just couldn't not get them for her regardless of where we stood. At that point I didn't do it for me, I did it for her. And thank God that I did because they brought her back to me when I all but lost hope. I will forever be grateful to those fucking smile cookies.            

Tim Hortons, I love you.           

After that, everything got so much better yet so much fucking worse. As the days passed, I started getting attached and I stopped simply liking the girl because I started loving her. And the worst part was that she either genuinely didn't notice or she was pretending not to. That hurt. It fucking stung because of course, the one girl I wanted didn't want me back.            

She was literally everything to me and I was willing to do whatever it took to keep her close. At some point I realized that I could lose everything but as long as I had her, I would still be winning. So, if being friends was the only way I could keep her, then so be it. It would tear me apart to see her with someone else, but it wouldn't kill me, like completely losing her would.           

I feel like such a sappy fucker, but I can't help it. I can't control the things she makes me feel. I can't help the way my heart pounds against my chest from simply being next to her. As if I've just finished the most intense cardio session.     

I love her so much. Enough to never die for her. I will do everything and anything in my power to spare her from that kind of pain, even if it breaks me. Because it will. If God forbid something happened to her, my life would end right there along with hers. I would be right there with her, following her to the ends of the earth and beyond. Because to the world she may be one person but to me, she's my world.     

I didn't completely understand what she was saying before but I sure as hell know what she meant now. I know now, because I have something worth loosing. And that scares the shit out of me but at the same time I'm so grateful to have her in my life. I feel so grateful to have found her.          

Sure, there are times where she drives me crazy but even then, I can't help but love her. She's taught me so many things along the way, mainly the importance of compromise.              

Just last week for example, we fought over fucking cats. She's obsessed with them and I can't stand the bitchy fuckers. She wanted to adopt one and I didn't. So, we compromised and went to the local animal shelter and came back with two fucking cats.   

Ladies and gentlemen meet Tofu and Miso, our new family members. They're small and fluffy and only slightly terrifying. I would be lying if I didn't say they were growing on me though.            

I guess what I'm trying to say is that there is no such thing as compromise. What Sabrina wants is what Sabrina gets because happy wife equals happy life.     

She's not my wife yet but I'm working on it. I would have married that girl already if I knew she wouldn't freak out and run the other way. The diamond ring safely tucked away in my closet can attest to that. I'll be chipping away at those walls of hers—one cat at a time if I have to—and we'll get there eventually. And when that day comes, I'll know I'm the luckiest fucker alive.