Chapter 4 Thoughts

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Lan Zhan shivered unintentionally.

What Wei Ying had just described sounded terrible and macabre. Gruesome even.

Lan Zhan himself was disturbed by Wei Ying’s account, especially because Wei Ying loved flowers so much...and to see them in this light, dripping with blood...seemed cruel and unnecessary.

Plus, Wei Ying had said he thought he was being tested? That was even stranger. And he had sensed the presence of another...

Lan Zhan tucked his thoughts away, choosing to concentrate on Wei Ying now.

This dream could wait until tomorrow, when he could ask his brother about it. For now, he wanted to make Wei Ying feel better right away.

Remembering that Wei Ying had mentioned that he was all alone in that place, Lan Zhan kissed his forehead warmly, his arms tightening around the smaller frame of his husband.

The frisson of delight that was always present at that thought ran through his body, filling him with happiness. He needed Wei Ying more than air...more than water.

"I am here. I would never leave Wei Ying, not of my own choice." He promised.

"I know." Wei Ying said softly, nuzzling into the soft spaces between Lan Zhan’s neck and shoulder, holding him closer.

Any distance now felt unbearable.

And Wei Ying didn’t want to think about the possibility...the other side of the coin that what if Lan Zhan was forced to leave him? Not his own choice but what if it happened anyway?

That was what frightened Wei Ying more than anything else.

But he forced himself not to think about that, not right now.

"It was just a dream, Wei Ying, not real." Lan Zhan told him firmly.

"But...it felt real." Wei Ying insisted.

"Do you think it was a premonition? Perhaps a sign of something to come?" Lan Zhan asked him clearly.

"I really hope not." Wei Ying thought for a moment. "I cannot say it was prophetic." He admitted.

"Maybe we can talk to Uncle or Xiongzhang tomorrow. Ask them what they think?" Lan Zhan kept stroking Wei Ying’s hair, feeling his body relax even more.

"If..." Wei Ying yawned around the word. "You don't mind...can we keep this between us for now?" He yawned again, closing his eyes.

"Mn, of course. But why?" Lan Zhan kissed the top of his head.

"I...I don't want them to laugh at me. And you could be right! What if it's just a silly dream? I'll never live it down." He yawned again. "Plus XiChen-Ge has a lot on his plate after what Grandmother said about him." He was referring to her diagnosis of Jiang Cheng's body still retaining the remnants of a curse.

"Mn. Will not tell anyone yet. Only when and if Wei Ying wants to." Lan Zhan promised, his bigger hand moving down Wei Ying’s back now.

When Wei Ying didn’t answer, he rightfully thought the younger one was asleep now.

He closed his eyes too, feeling the warm weight of the man in his arms, their bodies aligned together. The soft, floral scent of lotus flowers and wine drifted towards his nose and Lan Zhan smiled, hoping that Wei Ying could rest well from now on.

This beautiful man deserved only peace and happiness now, and Lan Zhan would stand in front of him with Bichen unsheathed if that could keep his nightmares at bay.

Forever.

********

Wei Ying woke up too early.

He still felt tired and while his naturally sunny personality didn't allow him to be grouchy, he certainly wasn't feeling that great. His eyes drifted open and fell upon the best sight in the world: his husband.

Lan Zhan looked so much softer when he was asleep like this.

His beautiful face was unguarded, open and as usual, stoic without effort. Wei Ying didn’t know anyone who could look as marvellous as polished jade, so refined and such an example of gentlemanly excellence.

He was so proud of Lan Zhan, not only his accomplishments but of the man he had become, especially after such trials and hardships. Wei Ying knew that lesser people would have given up on them already, but not his Lan Zhan.

Lan Zhan was like the ancient rock carved with over four thousand rules of the Lan Clan, firm, unmoving in the face of justice and ever so righteous.

The strong arch of his brows shadowing golden eyes, as brilliant as a hawk's, the intensity of a predator like second nature to him, at times akin to molten gold, and at others, warmer than liquid honey. His pale ivory skin was deceptively soft and warm, not at all like the jade he was named after. Lan Zhan’s cheeks were high and ever so squishy...that was one of Wei Ying's most favourite thing about him.

Sleeping Lan Zhan could be compared to a sleeping lion.

Wei Ying knew that the slightest noise would awaken him, more so if Wei Ying moved in the slightest bit.

Always hyper attuned to safety, already his psyche was programmed to eliminate any threat posed towards Wei Ying, as if his own mind was protecting himself from the greatest pain he had ever felt.

Those sixteen years of living without his Wei Ying was a half life, spectral and lonely.  Living his life through a shadowy filter, present but never there, not really. Living in the past, dwelling in the memories of moments spent together...but they could in no way compensate for what their lives represented now.

In the past, their feelings had been confused, unclear and uncertain; whereas now, they were two halves of a whole.

Thriving and reaching new heights of pleasure and togetherness, the difference between the past and the present could be likened to a blind person receiving sight.

The shock and wonder, the contrast between the two states too wide a chasm to fully understand.

Wei Ying only sometimes thought of the past, not wishing to linger in that particular type of melancholy. He had no desire to remind his husband of those memories, nor to make him relive that time.

As golden eyes slowly opened, Wei Ying smiled as brightly as he could because they were together.

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