Chapter 70 Bare

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XiChen opens the door.

Wei Ying is shocked because he looks way paler than usual.

"Um...XiChen-Ge? What's up? What happened?" He holds his breath, not really wanting to know.

"Whatever you see here, I expect the utmost in your discretion." XiChen says, humourlessly.

"Of course." Wei Ying finds his three fingers are already at a salute by his temple.

XiChen nods once and lets him enter further into the darkened room.

"Uncle -"

Wei Ying shuts up.

It's only willpower holding his jaw up.

"Oh my God...you look ... smexy..." Wei Ying says, and then clamps a hand over his mouth.

Uncle Qiren is completely bare on his face...no hair.

At all.

No beard.

No moustache.

No eyebrows.

Okay, that part was creepy, but the rest of him? He looked amazing!!

And distraught...which was not so good.

"Um...sorry..." Wei Ying mutters, apologetic.

"In truth, we called you over, hoping you might have a cure." XiChen says. "Otherwise Uncle is talking about going into seclusion. Until it grows back. If...it grows back..." the muffled splutter made Wei Ying narrow his eyes at XiChen.

Was XiChen actually finding this funny?

Okay, it was, but still...

And his last words were making the older relative panicky.

"XiChen?!! What if it doesn't?" He sounds horrified.

"Let's not panic!" Wei Ying says, leading him away from the full length mirror and sitting him down on the bed instead. "XiChen-Ge, why don't we have some tea?" Wei Ying wants to laugh so badly, because this is really funny.

Who'd have ever thought he would be called over to comfort Uncle Qiren? And what possessed Lan Zhan to shave his eyebrows??

Uncle Qiren can't even say anything because although he might suspect, he has no proof, and by the time Lan Zhan wakes up, the opportunity will be missed.

"It's not so bad." Wei Ying reassures him. "You look really young and attractive. And there's no rules against doing this, right?"

"I feel...bare." Uncle Qiren says in a shaky voice.

"Maybe...maybe it's all about getting used to changes." Wei Ying tries to console him.

Uncle Qiren lifts a hand to stroke his whiskers... and it's really muscle memory at this point, because there's nothing there, and his fingers realise it at the same time as his brain registered it.

He bites his lip to stop a sob from leaving his mouth.

XiChen looks at him hopefully, amusement still lurking in his honey-coloured eyes.

"We were thinking you might be able to brew a tonic...or something...?"

XiChen looks way too enthusiastic about this proposal.

"Er...I haven't got the best track record...look at Jiang Cheng." Wei Ying tries to wriggle out of where this is going.

"Oh, that was because he was already cursed...but aside from that," XiChen gestures towards his face, "there's nothing else wrong with him."

Is Wei Ying imagining all the double meanings? At first, he thought XiChen was being genuine, but now he thinks XiChen is getting a kick out of Uncle Qiren's predicament.

"But it will take time to find a cure, and I think this is a time-sensitive task? The more people that see Uncle Qiren like this...the more people will speculate...." Wei Ying says, not actually implicating his husband, and letting them finish the sentence in their heads.

"I've got a better idea." Wei Ying continues, smiling now that he's thought up a better plan. "The way I see it, is this: either Uncle Qiren can tell people he did it himself, or...we ask someone to help."

Wei Ying and XiChen stared at Uncle Qiren, leaving the choice up to him.

"What if we call someone? I think that's preferable...and if the situation doesn't resolve like that, then...we'll see." Uncle Qiren says, after mulling it over in his head.

"Great!" Wei Ying says, a moment before he shouts, "Hui Gai!"

"PengYou!" The answer is immediate, and while they're hugging, Uncle Qiren has perhaps seconds to come to terms with whom Wei Ying meant, when he said, "call someone"...

Wei Ying quickly explains the problem to a far-too entertained looking Demon King, his red eyes gleaming with curious amusement.

"So...do you think you can help?" Wei Ying asks him, anxiously.

Hui Gai scratches his chin, lengthening out his answer.

"I'll have to ask my assistant." He said, smiling with all of his pointy teeth. "Zago is a bit busy...she said the Angry Grape is taking his time..."

Wei Ying swallowed his laughter. "I'm sure he'll get around to it soon enough."

"True." Hui Gai closes his eyes, and in the next moment, Zago is there, towering over everyone in that room.

"Have you grown?" Wei Ying asked her, fascinated by her size.

"Er...I think so. I haven't had a good lollipop in ages, though." She says, pointedly.

"What if all that sugar was stunting your growth?" Wei Ying suggests.

Hui Gai says, "up here, or here?" First pointing at a space above his head, and then, at his head, implying she was thick.

He got a discreet shove for that remark.

"Anyway, do you know anything that could grow his hair back?" Wei Ying politely gestured towards Uncle Qiren.

"Absolutely. The Nether World is full of fun places like that. Want me to go get it?" She offered, again, far too enthusiastically.

Wei Ying wondered if there was something all of them weren't telling him...

"We'll be right back, PengYou." Hui Gai said, pulling him in for another hug.

And they vanished.

************

The longer they took, the more jittery Uncle Qiren was becoming.

"What will the children think?" He said, mournfully.

"They don't love your beard, Shifu. They love you. It doesn't matter what you look like." Wei Ying tries to comfort him. "After they get over the initial shock, they'll be fine. And you know...it's a good look for you. You seem thirty years younger."

"Mn. We'll have to stop you going out, at this rate." XiChen adds. "Otherwise, the list of proposals is going to exceed what we can cope with in terms of paperwork."

Wei Ying raised a brow.

"Proposals?"

"Of course. Many young ladies prefer older men...and anyone would be lucky to marry him." XiChen says, now proudly.

"I have no wish to marry." Uncle Qiren said, his face getting redder.

"That's what everyone says, when the idea is put to them the first time. WangJi and myself are no exception." XiChen beams.

That's when it clicks in Wei Ying's head.

"What do you mean, the first time? Who proposed to Lan Zhan?" His eyes flashed red.



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