WangXian Forever Book 9: The Flower Demon

Chapter 47 Regret

Trigger warnings: Brief mention of blood and suicide. Please be careful and don't read if any of these are upsetting to you.

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Li XiWang didn't dare to interrupt the Flower Demon, as she pensively stared into the distance, lost in her thoughts.

"I was eighteen years old…when I fell in love." She murmurs.

Li XiWang scoots closer to the shimmering barrier, hoping she will be able to hear better.

"Who was it?" She whispers.

"The most handsome man in town. His family owned a flower business and he happened to be at the temple on that day. We fell in love…in that one second. Funny…because I had no idea it could be like that. I was filled with that feeling… you know, that this was MY person. And from the look in his eyes, I could tell… he was feeling the same.

"And once our families realised how compatible we were, astrologists were consulted, because marriages between such prominent families was a big deal, and we had to pass test after test, in order to make everyone happy. My family loved him and his family were already treating me like their daughter in law." She was saying all this in a dead voice, as if it no longer mattered. As if she didn't care any more.

This, more than anything else, terrified Li XiWang.

Rumi sensed her fear and climbed into her lap, hugging her close.

Thankfully, the Flower Demon was ignoring them for now.

The silence drags on and Li XiWang is scared of pulling her out of her thoughts…but she really wants to know what happened. It's this desire to understand, which propels her to speak.

"If everything was alright…then what happened?" Li XiWang asks, quietly.

For a few moments, nothing changes, and Li XiWang is worried that her words didn't carry past the beautiful barrier between them.

"Fate had other plans…" the Flower Demon scowls at an empty crystal ball. "I was perhaps…even more innocent than you. I didn't realise that while I was happily floating around in a happy bubble made up exclusively of dreams, wanting to get married as soon as possible so we could start living our lives…there were others whose jealousy was growing by the minute.

"There was a man…who became a monk some time after his wife bore him a son. That boy was a little older than me, and he was in charge of looking after the local temple. This meant that he saw me and my family, at least once a week. I had no idea who he was, our interactions were almost nonexistent…but I still think…I should have paid more attention to my surroundings. Perhaps, if I had…it might have changed things. Out of everything…that is my biggest regret."

"What did he do?" Li XiWang kind of didn't want to know.

She was growing more and more anxious, and now there was a shoal of piranha fish in a feeding frenzy, deep in her belly. But…her curiosity was real.

"His father brought him strange things, things which he thought his son would find amusing. The boy had just lost his mother, and he saw his father less and less…there was no one left to guide him. One such time, he was given a JingLing of his own…and since he was a smart person, he figured out what it was…what it could give him.

"I didn't know anything about it. Until one evening, I was compelled to visit the temple at night, all alone. There was a feeling…I cannot adequately explain what it was like, feeling that kind of desire…it was like millions of ants crawling all over my body. I had to go, I had to be there.

"And then he made me drink some kind of tea…I do not remember anything after that. When I woke up, I was alone…and in an unfamiliar bed. And there was a lot of blood. I knew then…that I had been deflowered…and I couldn't even plead my innocence.

"I had willingly gone there, without an escort, without a chaperone. My family…" she laughs bitterly. "They forced me to go to my fiancé and confess."

Li XiWang had a bad feeling about this.

"Suffice to say…they were not very understanding. In fact…they broke off the engagement…and the man I thought of as my other half…my soul mate…he refused to see me after that.

"I was heartbroken. Everything I dreamed of…ruined in just one night. The person whom I trusted the most…the bastard gave me up like a sack of potatoes…"

"So what did you do?"

"My family convinced me that to live alone would be very difficult for 'someone like me'...and when I asked them what that meant, they wouldn't give me a straight answer. By this time, I was refusing to leave my room. But my family suggested I should talk to boy at the temple…because they were insisting that even if I didn't love him, we could live as companions…and they didn't explicitly say it, but they wanted him to take responsibility."

Li XiWang watched as tears fell from her crimson eyes, the tracks falling down her mauve face.

"More than a month passed and then my family persuaded me to go to him, the boy from the temple.

"But when I went there, he refused me entry. And then he accused me of lying. The whole town turned against me, and it got so bad, I didn't dare to go outside my family home. But things began to escalate: my younger brother wanted to get married and he was having trouble finding a wife.

"No one was being frank with us, either. He would get positive responses until they found out I was living under the same roof…and then they would reject him. That single night ruined my life. Only because of this face, all of that happened to me."

Li XiWang felt really sorry for her. But she didn't dare speak, her instincts telling her that the worst was yet to come.

"It was my mother…who pushed me over the edge. She came to see me one night…and told me that since my life was basically over, I should leave and let my brother marry in peace so that their line could continue. She said, a daughter is somebody else's treasure." EmoHua laughed softly. "My own mother…the woman who gave birth to me…the same person who went shopping with me…we even went to get my wedding robes commissioned together. She basically made me feel worthless."

"She was wrong to do that to you. I know that normally, people paint mothers to be great people…and maybe they are…but I found it hard to like mine too. My fathers are the best parents I could ever wish for and I wouldn't change that for anything." Li XiWang says, remembering her own experience.

First the fake parents who took her away from her grandmother…and then Zai Shu Xia.

Her biological mother…who somehow didn't feel as great as her Father Wei.

"I ended up leaving." EmoHua says.

"I don't blame you." Li XiWang says quietly.

EmoHua looks surprised.

"Where did you go?" Li XiWang continues, now not so scared of her.

"I walked for ages. The thing is…that type of discrimination…it does something to you. All my self confidence was gone; when people looked at me…I thought they just wanted me for my looks. I…I couldn't trust anyone any more.

"I had no money and nowhere to go…and I was desperate. The pain from my betrothed cutting things off between us was still hurting me, added to the betrayal of the monk's son…I didn't want to live any more.

"So I ripped out my own heart. I thought…if I removed what was causing me so much pain…I could finally find some peace."

Li XiWang only notices the wetness on her face, when Rumi wipes her tears away.

She never thought she'd feel bad for this person.

But the truth is, the Flower Demon is just as much a victim of circumstances and what happened to her in the past, it wasn't her fault.

"I wish things would have been different for you." Li XiWang says softly.

"So do I, my dear. So do I…but…don't be too quick to feel sorry for me, yet." EmoHua looks back unrepentantly, at Li XiWang.

"Why?" Li XiWang is almost afraid to ask her that.

"Because all my resentment towards the people who had betrayed me…it was so great, it turned me into a Demon. And now, I am impossible to kill."