WangXian Forever Book 9: The Flower Demon

Chapter 86 Thoughts

Lan XiChen was pacing.

When they got to the Hanshi, Jiang Cheng poured some water for the First Jade, allowing him to think about everything they had learned just now.

Even Ke-ai knew enough to leave him alone, seeking comfort in Jiang Cheng's lap instead. Jiang Cheng wondered if the little piggy knew the connection between himself and Snizzy, and more interestingly, would the piggy still be making those sweet, snuffling sounds, if he did?

Huan was still pacing, when Jiang Cheng thought that was enough. He stood up and purposefully got in his way. Huan tried to go around him, but Jiang Cheng moved with him, so it became a game of really intense and close range chicken.

"WanYin! Please!"

"Please, what?"

"Please...just let me -"

"Brood? Wallow? Self pity? Has it really helped?" Jiang Cheng pulled him into a warm hug regardless of his answer.

And he was still thinking about it, even as he sagged against his husband.

"It's just that. I never knew." His voice fades away.

"I think that was kind of the point..."

"Maybe, in my heart of hearts, I knew she was innocent. I wanted to believe that...because, how could someone so sweet, so gentle, be a murderer? All of my life, I've been thinking about it. Ever since GuanYin Temple."

He doesn't feel Jiang Cheng freeze.

"Jin GuanYao did everything in the name of his mother, because every time someone called him a son of a whore, he vowed vengeance a hundred times over. But I could understand that, because wasn't I the son of a murderer? Who's to say that I wouldn't suddenly wake up in the middle of the night and go on a stabbing spree? It was in my blood, right?" He chokes back a sob.

Jiang Cheng says nothing, only holding him tighter. One of his hands finds its way to Huan's lovely hair and begins to stroke it gently. He's surprised because the only person he could remember doing this for him was his A-Jie. Her unconditional love and support was so vital to him, that he often wondered whether or not he would have survived the burden of being raised as the sole heir of the Jiang Clan, were she not there to comfort him at every turn.

He tries to remember what she would have said in order to comfort him.

Though the difference between himself and his husband was that he never had any illusions of what his parents were like, nor what his mother was capable of. He tries to empathise nonetheless.

Lan Huan is still talking.

"When we were small, no one told us anything about our parents and more than one question was frowned upon. I didn't want to make anyone uncomfortable, so I stayed silent afterwards, but now I'm wondering, did I make a mistake? Should I have forced their hands to let this truth out? Would it have changed anything? Or made it worse?"

"Huan...please don't do this to yourself. You're beating yourself up, when at the time you could have done anything at all, you were just a child. How do you think whatever you said would have been received? No offence, but your clan is full of stuck-up old people who like the way things are. And you wanted to shake the tree. Of course they would have found a way to silence you, because anything you said would be the equivalent of pointing fingers at their perfect clan and their perfect way of life, and their perfect rules." Jiang Cheng kissed the side of his head.

Lan Huan nuzzled closer, seeking more warmth.

"If anything is to be learned at all, then take this as a literary call to arms. Change the rules, do something so that there will always be a loophole, an exception to the rules. This is your chance to make a difference. A real one, so that no one has to suffer what you and your brother had to go through." Jiang Cheng leads him to their bed and makes him lie down.

From here, it's easy enough to take out his guan and put it on the table. Jiang Cheng undressed himself too and climbed in next to his husband.

"What should I do?" XiChen hates the way his own voice sounds so weak and defenceless.

"It's okay not to know right away. When I was a kid, I wish someone had told me that. It's the most valuable piece of advice I was ever given, but if you mention it to Wei WuXian, I'll put a frog in his teapot."

Huan laughs.

It's sudden and full, and then it morphs into a deep crying jag.

Jiang Cheng holds him all throughout, murmuring words of comfort and support, until finally, Lan XiChen falls into a heavy slumber.

Jiang Cheng knows only too well how hard it is being a child while there is only chaos all around and the only adults close by are no closer to figuring out what to do, either.

Even if a child was lucky enough to have loving parents, any number of things could happen to mess them up.

It was the tragic truth of the Universe.

Striving for balance, it could give you shitty parents in the beginning, but then as a sort of apology, it had also given him Huan.

And he knew, he would do anything for this kind-hearted man.