Chapter 91 Bravery

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XiChen feels his mother's gaze upon him.

"Are you thinking of visiting my hometown?" She asks softly.

XiChen nods, hoping she will not mind.

"Perhaps we can make amends. It would be nice to meet your family, Muqin," he replies.

"You seem troubled. Is anything wrong?" Her voice is gentle, like the soft caress of water flowing over boulders in a still lake.

To his horror, XiChen begins to cry. Jiang Cheng does his best to offer support, but this is something XiChen has to do by himself. He only calms himself after he feels the light fluttering of gentle hands on his face.

Their mother has no corporeal form so it's just a feeling, but it's strong enough to make a difference to him.

"Muqin, I have made many mistakes in my life," he whispers.

Wei Ying hears Lan Zhan suck a deep breath inwards.

He has a terrible feeling about what XiChen is about to say.

"Wait," she says, surprising them all.

XiChen blinks up at her with wet lashes.

"I will only listen to you, if you agree to tell me something good about yourself in exchange."

No one expected that. Wei Ying has newfound respect for her now, and he smiles at Lan Zhan, who is also looking troubled.

"But Muqin, that is impossible! I -"

"I'll help you." Jiang Cheng's voice interrupts him, sounding strong and sure.

They're already holding hands and it's the squeeze that they share, which gives them the strength to continue.

"Very well. We accept." XiChen replies.

"Then, please continue," she says back to him.

XiChen takes a few minutes to compose himself before beginning to speak.

"There was a war. I trusted the wrong person. Instead of my Didi."

"That's two things. But tell me why?"

"Jin GuanYao took me in when I was hiding with the scriptures, I was injured. Then later, I believed everything he told me without questioning."

"Only because he was your sworn brother." Jiang Cheng sounds really annoyed. "And you weren't the only one. That lying toe rag was a serial, compulsive liar. He worked his way up the ladder of success by stepping on those who didn't agree with him. He was exceptionally clever, knew how to twist things to his favour, knew exactly which buttons to press. Manipulative bastard."

"Oh! Good one!" Wei Ying chortles at the unintentional pun.

Lan Zhan smirks, just a twitch of his lips.

The lighthearted comment relieves the tension slightly.

"Two good things, Huan." Jiang Cheng reminds him, when XiChen is still silent.

"My husband." XiChen actually blushes at that.

"About you." Jiang Cheng gently admonishes him. "I know it's hard, but it's necessary to accept and take credit for the other parts of yourself. It's not being big-headed. I'll start, just to help you along?"

XiChen smiles shyly at him and nods.

"You're kind, and you're a considerate person."

"Good. Now tell me, what else is on your mind?" Muqin smiles at them, as they continue to take turns, laying everything out in the open.

Lan Zhan and Wei Ying sit quietly, listening to them.

It is cathartic to be here, to listen to the ones who are opening their hearts, telling their deepest fears, admitting to their foibles, the mistakes made in the past. And it's healing to hear their mother's response to everything XiChen tells her.

Lan Zhan has missed his mother so much.

The longer he listens to her, the more he realises that she is unconsciously healing parts of him which were still raw, open wounds of losing her too soon.

Even if she's not directly talking to him, he is mending this particular hole in his heart.

When XiChen finally falls silent, they are all quiet, absorbing the peaceful silence.

"Muqin," Lan Zhan says, understanding that he might not get another chance like this again.

"Xiao Tuzi*(*Little Bunny), what is it?"

"Omg, that's so cute!"

Lan Zhan hears Wei Ying squeal that, under his breath, and his ears brighten as he knows that Wei Ying is probably going to start calling him that from now on.

It's not so bad. Lan Zhan discovers that he won't mind.

"Thank you for being our mother. Thank you for waiting, and thank you for coming to see us."

She doesn't say anything, and instead, Lan Zhan feels a warmth all around him, a hug that he needed more than anything else. He can feel the tears on his face, and they're bittersweet, both happy and sad.

"Xiao Tuzi, didn't we have a rule not to say that word?" She whispers with a thick voice. "And since you broke that rule first, then allow me to say thank you to you both. I couldn't ask for better children, because both of my babies are the best. So good, so strong, and so kind. May you always be happy."

They both feel a fleeting weight on top of their heads and then a soft kiss on their foreheads.

"Huan, tomorrow you are bringing my grandchild here. Xiao Tuzi, you too. In the meantime, remember this: let the past stay in the past, and look to the future now. Every day the sun rises, it's a chance to learn from the mistakes we made, and not make them again. Consider a clean parchment paper. It is yours to write whatever you like on it. There are those who can write horrible things, or those who write words of love. The choice is yours alone." She sounds as if she's laughing now. "I would like to speak to my other sons now, so Huan, and WangJi, go inside."

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