Toxic Love - the beginning of the end Part | LH FF (Part 2/English version)

T W E N T Y

As soon as I calmed down a little, I finally decided to go to sleep. I was finished, completely done and wanted nothing more than just lie down.

Just as I ran out of the bathroom, Lewis finished the phone call. He looked at me as I walked around the bed to lay down on the other side. „Everything fine, babe?" A little concern sounded in his voice, probably I was completely pale in the face. I hadn't looked in the mirror anymore, so I didn't know. „Yes, I'm just tired." I cuddled very close to him, at the moment I needed his closeness more than ever before. All these evil thoughts haunted my head, not to mention my guilty conscience. But I just couldn't tell him, I didn't realise it. Meanwhile, time ran away from me, like fine sand, which slipped through my fingers faster and faster. And now I lay here, in his arms and concealed the truth from him. That was absolutely wrong and unfair, I knew that. But I couldn't tell him, and I hated myself so infinitely for that.

The longer I thought about it, the closer I got to sleep, and when I was finally completely gone, only one thought remained: I have to tell him...

*

A slight shaking made me slowly wake up. In order to escape the far too bright sun, which was already tickling in my nose, I turned around and pulled the blanket over my head. „Liv, come on." A voice continued to push into my awareness, but I didn't want to. Lewis pulled the blanket off my head, I grumbled sleepy. „Please don't..."

„But you have to get up." He said and I felt him tear the blanket completely off of my body. I wanted to reach for it, but I wasn't fast enough. Cold crawled under my T-shirt, now I was awake, well, thank you.

„Come on. I've already gotten breakfast for us..." Lewis nodded towards the door. Only now I realised that he was already completely dressed, but I was still lying in bed.
What in the actual-
I interrupted my own thoughts when Lewis reminded me of what we are still planning today.

I limited my morning routine to the most necessary before I went down, where I could already smell the smell of fresh rolls. „You're really sweet, thank you." I gave Lewis a morning kiss and then sat down at the table. Spiritually, I was still in bed, slept calmly and dreamed my dream further. And honestly, I also looked like that...

I stared into the void while biting off my spinach stick again and again, thinking of nothing.

After breakfast, I was still not really awake, but we had to go, otherwise we would have been late.

„Do you want to make music?" Lewis asked, whereupon I nodded eagerly. We didn't really have the same taste in music, but our car trips worked smoothly, because we both also could satisfy with the other's music. I just had to think briefly to choose Pipe by Christina Aguilera. Lewis didn't know that I knew about his part in the song, and he was visibly embarrassed when I started the song. „Do you really think I wouldn't find out that my boyfriend has a song with Christina Aguilera?" I looked at him with a grin.

His hand closed the steering wheel tighter, only for a very short moment before he loosened it and put it on my thigh. Goosebumps trickled over my body while the skin under my jeans began to burn. But it was one that was beautiful, because it felt really wonderful. „I never tried to hide it from you." He finally said and didn't look a bit like he had ever been embarrassed. I don't think there was a reason for that, but in interviews he still denies this song...

A good quarter of an hour later we arrived in Sindelfingen. We were received by a nice middle-aged man who intended to guide us, well, actually Lewis, through the Mercedes factory. I didn't even really know why we were here when I thought about it. All Lewis had told me before was that we were accompanied by a camera team to film something for the Mercedes YouTube channel of AMG F1. And so it was.

While the man from the reception, who later introduced himself as Hannes Frey, talked about everything and guided us through the different departments, I was more concerned with looking at everything. I didn't understand anything about this, but it was incredible to see how cars are created.

My eyes wandered through the huge halls. Everywhere were people who watched us, interrupted their work briefly to catch a glimpse. And sometimes, when Lewis talked to any of them, I could feel the people's nervousness. For some reason, I felt nervous too. I looked into the people's eyes and realised things I had never thought about before. For example, the fact that this world we live in is so incredibly huge, there are so many people, and one life is not the farthest enough to have been everywhere. Everyone has their own life, their own history and lived in their own little world.

Somehow I found that funny, even if it didn't matter at all at that moment and was completely out of context. But in my head that just didn't make sense. It made no sense that there were such privileged people as us who didn't have to worry about money and for whom fame was normal, while others struggled to survive. And it made no sense that there are people who will become a hundred, and some not even twenty. For me, that was the definition of unfair. That's why I didn't understand why it became quiet when we entered the room, why some people trembled when they saw Lewis. We were all somehow the same..

I was suddenly torn out of the sea with thoughts when someone pressed my hand a little bit more. I looked at Lewis, who apparently paid no attention to me and focussed entirely on what happened before us. Nevertheless, he had noticed how I drifted slowly but surely and was no longer there, while I didn't even realise that he was holding my hand.

He just knew me far too well, and that was even scary in a certain way. How he read my body language without looking at me. How he understood me without me having to say anything at all. And despite that, he overlooked the most obvious of everything, namely the fact that sooner or later I would die. He couldn't deny it, I had told him, he had practically squeezed it out of me that evening at the party. But somehow I had the feeling that he would try to ignore it, somehow overplay with all his might. Because he wasn't stupid, I think he tried to displace that somehow...

I didn't know what it was. Maybe he couldn't handle the truth after all or he just didn't realise it. But one thing was clear, we won't grow old together, and we both knew that.