Toxic Love - the beginning of the end Part | LH FF (Part 2/English version)

T W E N T Y F O U R

We ended the evening with a glass of wine in the pool and the beautiful view of Stuttgart. So around twenty-three I still wanted to get ready for bed, our flight tomorrow leaves at nine and I also have to learn a lot. Otherwise, I will probably screw up the math exam completely, and I really don't feel like getting stress with my dad because of that...

So while I brushed my teeth and got changed, Lewis did something else. Probably he was on the phone or something...

When I came into my room he wasn't there, so I went down where I suspected him. „Lewis?!" I asked in the darkness of the living room. He didn't answer. I walked around the corner and saw him standing in the kitchen. He leaned against the counter and looked at the phone. „Here you are..." I was relieved, although there was actually no reason to be that.

But maybe it did exist after all. The fear that he would drop me again was always there, even if I didn't show it. And I know it was probably ridiculous, but I didn't want him to leave me. I needed him way too much in my life, he was not allowed to go... „Why shouldn't I be here?" He looked up from the screen, at that moment I realised that it was my phone that he held in his hand.
It was my phone.

A thousand thoughts shot at once through my head. My father, the operation, our quarrel. All this was on this phone, he had the truth in his hands, literally. „What the fuck are you doing?!" All fuses burned through in me, I tore my phone out of his hand.

„Calm down!" He stood on both feet. But I didn't want to calm down. What if he has seen the messages? What if he knows everything? Then he'll really leave me... No, that couldn't happen! „What are you doing on my phone?" My voice could have broken down every damn wall of this house.
At the same time, the fear burned in my eyes that I didn't want to lose him. „I just wanted to look for the weather. My phone is empty, that's why I looked at yours..." He explained and remained surprisingly calm.

„You don't need to freak out like that or is there something I shouldn't see?" He crossed his arms in front of his chest, suddenly he didn't look so calm anymore, more than he wanted to read something from my face. I turned my eyes away, I couldn't look at him and lie. Because he was right. There was something he wasn't allowed to see, but of course I couldn't tell him that.

„Liv..." My head scurried to him. „Give me your phone." He reached out to me as if he wanted to demand something. An unbelieving laugh left my mouth. „You can forget that!" I put the phone in the pocket of my sweatpants. „You can trust me, Lewis." I took a step towards him. „And then why are you freaking out like that?" I had to take deep breath first to come down again. „I-" I started only to stop at the same moment. „I, I just thought you didn't trust me. It looked like you were looking for something..."

„I did. I was looking for the weather..." Lewis smiled and I nodded barely noticeably. „I'm sorry, I didn't want to yell at you like that... I, I'm just so tired and done with the day." I explained and dropped against his chest, I was so glad that he wasn't angry with me. It was so nice to feel how he wrapped his arms around my body, to feel the warmth of his on mine. I really couldn't lose him...

„Everything's fine. Besides, I know that I can trust you, but you can trust me too, okay?" He pushed me away by my shoulders and looked deep into my eyes. „Did you understand that?" I nodded easy, but it was meant seriously. „Thank you, Lewis," I muttered and was at the same time fallen around his neck again.

*

On the flight I found no better occupation than to learn. Sure, I could have talked to Lewis too, but I didn't want that. After yesterday I avoided talking to him, and I know it's wrong. More than wrong even. His assumption that I would hide something from him was true, but not as he probably thought. And I would lie if I said that I didn't have a bad conscience because of it. He didn't deserve that I yelled at him like that last night, but there was something in me, panic and fear that he would find out the truth. Frankly, I regretted not calling my father again, so I didn't have to write to him that I was not doing this operation, which at the same time means that there would be no prove. But of course I had to avoid telling him personally, oh, how stupid can you actually be..?

At twelve we stopped in my driveway.
„I'll help you to carry it in." Lewis said and was just about opening his car door, but I held him back. He was definitely not allowed to meet my father now, because I knew exactly what he would say. „No, you don't need to. I only have my suitcase and bag..." I quickly gave away from myself. Lewis threw me a 'are you sure?' Look, which I answered with a nod. In the end, I was able to convince him that I have everything under control and said goodbye to him.

After I got my stuff out of the trunk, I went to the front door. Lewis waved to me again before I put the key in the lock. Actually I wanted to turn around again, go away and never come here again. In short, I preferred everything rather than entering this house now. I just didn't feel like talking to my dad, because these discussions always end the same way, and I was tired of having him tell me what's good for me...

In the end, I overcome myself and went in. I put my stuff in the entrance and there he already appeared in the door frame. „What in the world has driven into you?" Thank you for this nice greeting... „I'm also happy to see you again, Dad." I took off my shoes and put the key on the drawers next to the mirror. He didn't seem happy to see me again, his arms crossed and the look angry.

I tried not to look at him as I walked past him into the kitchen to have a drink. But I felt how angry he was, I immediately knew that he would explode sooner or later.

„Liv." He finally said, I took a glass out of the closet. „What in the world has driven into you?" He had just said that before, this time the emphasis was on what. Of course, I couldn't give him the answer he wanted to hear, which is why I replied to him with a simple „shut up," and I meant it completely seriously, but I didn't seem to be interested in the slightest. „No, Liv. I won't. What do you actually think?" The words sounded as reproachful as he said them, which brought a stab to my heart. Right in the middle of it, and he probably didn't even realise it.

I slammed the glass on the counter, it was a wonder that it didn't burst into a thousand pieces. „What I think?" I brought out a humourless laugh. „What's wrong with you, that's probably the better question! You really think you can force me to do this shitty operation, but you can't!" My father snorted furiously. „I won't do it, it's easy!" Since I no longer wanted to drink some water as well as being in the presence of my father, I left the glass standing and went up.

What did he think? I really wondered about that. I had thought that he now knew that he can't force me to do anything... I was probably wrong, obviously I was.

If it were up to him, a lot would be different in my life. But it doesn't, he doesn't get me small that easily...