Toxic Love - the beginning of the end Part | LH FF (Part 2/English version)

F O R T Y E I G H T

There are sometimes moments in life when you wish you could turn back time. And then there are moments like these when you know exactly that it would be better to turn back time, but even if you could, you wouldn't do it. Because love blinds you, put the pink glasses on you, through which also red flags, just flags are. Nothing more and nothing less.

At that moment, unfortunately, I didn't know all this anymore, I just knew that I would regret it later. As always. But Lewis poisoned me, stunned my senses and fogged my mind. I couldn't think clearly anymore, I lost more and more and couldn't do anything about it.

„Liv..." He sighed against my lips, my whole stomach area began to tingle. Then he solidified his grip around my tights, with a jerk he lifted me up and I wrapped my legs around his hips. We didn't interrupt our kiss for seconds, we glued together like glue to wood and had made the moment to ours. My arms lay tightly around his neck, with my fingers I explored his hairline. Then he put me on the counter and stood between my legs. We only loosen briefly before he pulled me closer to the edge and leaned for to kiss me again. So captivating, demanding and loving that I forgot how to breathe for a moment.

His tongue stroked over my lower lip and suckled lightly on it, I gasped for air and he took advantage of the moment. I got dizzy.
„Lewis..." I begged when he left me for a second. His gaze met mine. Darkest brown met agitated gray-blue. I didn't know what was going on in him at that moment, what he thought. The only thing I knew was that I wanted him. And he me too. „Fuck me..." I reached for his chain and pulled him to me. The words had hardly crossed my lips, so his lay on mine again.

Lewis' hand found the lower waistband of my Hoodie, suddenly he let them slide under these and I shuddered. She was cold, ice cold as she drove over my ribs, behind to my back and finally down again. I was hot and cold at the same time, I felt good and yet incredibly bad. I don't know, maybe that was due the alcohol, but in the end it didn't matter. I was making a big mistake and didn't intend to do anything about it. The feeling of having Lewis so close to me was breathtaking, he was the reason why I felt alive and felt the energy shot through my veins. He was the reason why I am what I am, why I do what I do. He was the starting point of everything, he was my starting point.

Finally, he resigned. With a jerk he pulled the sweater over my head, I only saw him fall to the floor in the half-dark before Lewis leaning forward to me and kissing me. My eyelids fell fluttering, I disintegrated more and more with every touch. I burned up in his arms without him even realising it...

*

The next few days went smoothly, but something was wrong. Something has been different since the fight with Lewis. We got along again and meanwhile pretend that nothing happened, but it was strange, in a way that I couldn't describe.

Was it the fact that he hasn't let me out of my sight for a second since then? Was it the fact that we didn't really speak out, but displaced the evening as if nothing had happened? I don't know. Maybe it was exactly that we just continue as if nothing had happened... Because that's not true, is it? We yelled and hurt each other with what we said, and now all this is not supposed to have happened? I found that funny in a weird way, felt bad because I felt it was between us. And I had no idea how to solve the problem. Probably the only solution would be to talk about it. But we weren't good at that, neither Lewis or I. We preferred to put things aside, because the fear that something could break was just too great.

I didn't know what I could say without jeopardising our relationship, because I just couldn't judge him enough. He could go up at any moment, then everything would only be worse and we would throw things back at our heads that we don't really mean. I guess he's doing the same way, so it's the way it is and I doubt that this will ever really change...

Away from these thoughts, I took a look at my phone. It was just before three p.m. and I was still sitting here. My eyes became heavier and heavier the longer I tried to keep them open. I really hoped that Lewis would soon be done with what he's doing, because if I don't do anything soon, I'll fall asleep...

And then I nodded away, didn't realise anything about what happened around me. Pitch black silence. I lost myself to infinity and only woke up again when suddenly someone shook me. „Good morning, babe..." Lewis grinned as I tried to open my eyes. A grumpy moan left my throat. „What, Huh?" I looked around and then realised that we were still at Mercedes and I only fell asleep on my father's couch, which was recently in his office.

„Is everything okay?" Lewis knelt in front of me and stroked two strands behind my ear. I nodded tired and then tried to straighten up. „Sure? You look so pale..." I didn't know if everything was really okay. Somehow I felt weird, not sick, but exhausted and listless. I thought I didn't get this nap well, I don't even know how long I slept, which is why I just didn't bother with it anymore. There were just such days, you couldn't change that and so I affirmed.

„Good, I have to talk to Bono for a moment, and then we can go, okay?" A nod from me followed, I was already looking forward to tonight. We finally wanted to go again to our favourite restaurant, which has been kind of difficult lately. I was already thinking about what to wear later. Maybe a dress, a skirt or something else. I don't know, but I would find something...

After Lewis disappeared again, I made my way to the cafeteria. The strange feeling in my body just didn't want to go away, and I thought I might just need a coffee to get my circulation going...

With my cappuccino in my hand, I sat down at a free table, but the tranquillity did not last long. „Liv?!" Suddenly it echoed on the walls and I turned around. None other than Felix, the trainee with whom I have often talked here, appeared in my field of vision. He had two friends in tow, which I see here much less often than him. „You here?" The three sat down with me and I nodded.

„I'm waiting." I then explained and took another sip of my coffee. My stomach contracted as the hot liquid ran down the oesophagus. „And what are you doing here?" The three didn't look like they had a hard day at work. „We have a break." Benni Explained. He was the one with the dark blonde middle parting, he reminded me a little of Emilio, who wears his hair the same way. Felix and the dark-eyed Rave could only agree with their friend and so we sat there for a while and talked a little. But unfortunately, that was only the beautiful tranquillity before the storm, as I noticed myself very soon...