Toxic Love - the beginning of the end Part | LH FF (Part 2/English version)

F O R T Y

We were at Mercedes until late in the afternoon. Around 6 p.m. we then went where, I don't know. Lewis didn't want to tell me where he was taking me, which is why I couldn't do more than wait.

We stopped on a street. Outside it was already dark, the lights of the street lamps glittered on the snow-covered floor. Lewis parked the car, got out and opened the door for me. „Is that possible with walking?" He reached out his hand to me, for the amusement in his face I would have liked to give him a fist right in the face. I rolled my eyes and got out. „Yes, it does. So for you, my dear, means that you have to try a little harder next time..." I smiled to emphasise my statement and then slipped into the sleeves of my fur coat, which Lewis held for me. „The next time I remind you of your words when you beg me to stop." The way he emphasised the word beg gave me a slight tingling sensation in my stomach. And because I knew that he was actually right, I left it at that.

Together we went to a bar that was close to Lewis' car. „For the two of us, alcohol-free Virgin Colada, please." He gave our order, then we sat down on two free bar stools at the end of the counter and waited. „I think we should now talk about what we are doing on your birthday..." Lewis started, only now I realise that it was only a few weeks until I was a year older. „I have a winter break until the twelfth of March, so we could fly somewhere...?" He looked at me and at the same time our cocktails were ready. „Thank you." I smiled at the bartender and then turned my head back to Lewis, who suddenly didn't look happy at all. My counterpart's gaze glued to the young man behind the bar, who already mixed the next drinks. I sniffed Lewis slightly with my foot, whereupon he loosened his eyes from the guy and looked at me again. Immediately his facial expressions became softer and his shoulders more relaxed.

„I think the idea is really nice, but where should we go?" I changed the subject. „It doesn't matter. Wherever you want, I promised you..." Yes, he really had that... „Okay, how about..." I poked with the straw in my drink, took a sip and stirred the liquid again. The ice cubes clackled together and I wondered if I was the only person who thought about how to get to a very specific point in life. I wondered how Lewis and I changed, so we together, as we did. Now we sat here, together, in some bar and talked about vacation together. But less than a year ago, the only thing I felt about him was hatred. Pure hatred.

„How about Saint Moritz? Milan? What else? You have the free choice..." I thought. „Milan would actually be nice, I haven't been there in a long time..." Lewis nodded in favour, which meant that we only talked about this for the next few minutes. We thought about how long we wanted to go, where we went afterwards, and even what we wanted to do in the summer. It warmed my heart as Lewis raved about going to Africa. And I got even warmer when I realised that he wanted to do that with me. I was the woman by his side with whom he wanted to experience this, I was the one he would gave everything in this world. The feeling that spread within me when I thought about it was breathtaking. Simply incredible, wonderful and endlessly beautiful.

At some point I went to the toilet and let Lewis alone at the bar. When I came back, something had happened. I knew that, I saw it in his face, but I didn't know what. „Is everything okay?" I asked him while I sat down again, his gaze pierced me. „You have to tell me." He was sour, really angry. „Lewis..." A slight laugh climbed up my throat. But not because I was happy, no. Quite simply because I knew exactly what would happen when act like this... „I really don't know what-" He interrupted me. „Who is Emilio?" Silence. It took me a short time to realise that he was on my phone.

„What the fuck, what's wrong with you that you sniff around in my phone?" My voice was louder than it was actually my intention. But I didn't care, more than anything else, because the only thing that interested me at that moment was the question, why the hell he rummaged around in my private things. „I could ask you the same thing, or do you find it somehow normal to write with other guys while you are in a relationship?!" Lewis also got louder and I was afraid that this would degenerate.

„Come on, say it." His voice sounded so reproachful, it hurt when he spoke to me like that. I laughed, because that was ridiculous. „You are really sick, Lewis. Emilio is one of my best friends, okay? I will probably be allowed to write with him and ask how he is doing if I haven't seen him for months?!" I wondered if Lewis didn't realise what he was doing. That he completely overreacted. And the worst thing about everything was that this is not happening for the first time. It's the same every time, the same discussion every damn time. And why all this? Because he simply can't live with the fact that there are other people in my goddamn life. On the other hand, I wasn't better, but it was difficult to accept that. „Well, and why in the world did I not know anything about him when he is one of your best friends?" He moulded question marks with my fingers, which only made me even more angry.

„That you really ask this surprises me..." I said, now quietly and mastered again. „What do you mean by that?" His words came out as a laugh, he was really blind. Blinded by his jealousy, so he no longer saw what was happening around him. He couldn't even see what he did himself anymore...

„Because that's exactly the thing?! That's why I'm not telling you anything about my friends. You just can't cope with the fact that there are other people in my life! Not every damn guy in this world wants to fucking me, okay?" I took a short break, my heart was racing again. Way too fast, far too strong. „If you can't cope with that, then I'm really sorry for you, but I just don't feel like this shit anymore. It's the same every time..." Why did I even discuss with him?

„I'm leaving now." I finally said when Lewis only looked at me in silence. I reached for my phone, packed it in my pocket and got up. This was all so ridiculous, so incredibly unnecessary... „And don't come up with the idea of appearing by my house. Don't get back to me until you've calmed down!" With these words, I turned to go.

Bypassing the people, I rushed out. I had to get out of here as soon as possible. I had to get away from Lewis, and hope that he took what I said seriously and didn't follow me. And he didn't, fortunately. On the other hand, I somehow hoped that he would do it. That he apologises and tells me that such a thing never happens again. Because I knew I would forgive him. Of course I would because I love him. In the most unhealthy way you could imagine.

But I couldn't change it either, he had poisoned me, and that was the result. He could hurt me, push me away from himself as often as he wanted. I would come back again and again, even if I didn't want to. And that was exactly what the problem was. The way we loved each other, the way we dealt with our problems. That wasn't healthy, I knew that. Nevertheless, we couldn't stay away from each other, no matter how much it sometimes hurt...

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Did you miss me? However, I'm back again, with the whole rest of the book... Be prepared for the last rollercoaster, it will bring you in other dimensions...

See you xoxo <3