Toxic Love - the beginning of the end Part | LH FF (Part 2/English version)

F O R T Y S I X

Jesus, what have I done? Why did this have to escalate again, and what do I do now? Lewis will tell my father, I'm sure if he hasn't done it a long time ago. And then I'm completely fucked. He will lock me up at home until I have done this stupid operation, probably I am not even allowed to go to the toilet alone anymore. Fuck, fuck, fuck. What have I done? And the worst thing was that I couldn't even blame someone else. Because it was my own fault, it's my fault for everything that just happened.

The hollow pain in my chest pulled into every cell of my body and I felt the ground break away under my feet. I was alone. I had pushed Lewis away from me, and my father won't help me either. Tears ran over my cheeks, they were hot and burned as the ice-cold winter wind whipped into my face. My hands trembled, they felt kind of numb, but the next moment they burned hellishly.

I wanted to put on my gloves, then I realised that I had nothing. Neither my jacket, my bag or anything else. I had left her in the studio. Anyway - I'll get them when else. At the moment there were really more important things than these stupid bag. I wanted to go home, no, actually not, but I had to. I couldn't stay outside and maybe I can somehow prevent my dad from finding out about it.

God, Liv, what do you actually think? My inner voice hissed and laughed mockingly. I shrugged, she was right. Think about it, Lewis has already told him... Yes, yes damn! She was right. And even if I didn't want to belive it, it was the truth. I couldn't do anything more than surrender to it and somehow hope that a miracle will happen...

My lips were swollen, my eyes were watery and my makeup was probably spread all over my face. But what did that matter? I opened the door using the spare key and went in. „Dad?!" I called, although I actually knew that no answer would come. His car was not in the driveway and the lights in the house were out.

I went to the kitchen, where I opened the refrigerator. I didn't know what I was looking for, but I knew what I needed. And that was alcohol. Preferably a lot. I took the wine out of the door before I closed it again. It was already open, but more than a quarter was not missing. At least before I had it in my hand.

„To this shitty life!" I lifted the bottle and then took a big sip. The taste triggered familiar feelings in me, suddenly it was no longer so loud and the voices in my head became quieter. With every sip, I felt the poison spread more and more in my body and suffocated the influences from the outside.

At some point the bottle was empty, I put it on the counter and went then to search for even more alcohol. In the living room we always had this shelf where my father stored a few different varieties of wine. I don't know why, but he collected the stuff. I took the first bottle who landed in my hand and went back to the kitchen. I put it on the counter, right next to the other, and then wanted to pull my phone out of my pocket to see if my father wrote to me. „Fuck!" I didn't have my phone with me at all, it was in my bag, and I hadn't taken it with me...

Oh, how I love my life... I opened the other wine and took a sip. My face twisted involuntarily. Red wine, as I hated it. In order not to have to taste the disgusting taste, I just tipped into myself. But at some point it didn't matter whether it tasted good or not. At some point, everything didn't matter. Every sip could cost me my life, and every sip made it easier to ignore it. Lewis was suddenly nothing more than a simple thought. I didn't care about his words and I didn't care that he yelled at me anymore. The fact that my father most likely knows everything, I was simply indifferent. I mean, I couldn't change it anymore, so it's not worth worrying about it either.

But somehow all this didn't really make sense if you thought about it in more detail. But I was no longer able to do that anyway, I felt the alcohol in my body. I got tired, just as I always became of wine... I felt the tiredness more and more until I could hardly keep my eyes open anymore.

I slipped powerlessly upwards, where I dropped into bed. My eyes closed and everything became dark. Pitch black silence. Peace, but I knew that even when I wake up again, this peace is over and hell begins.

I slept deeply and firmly until suddenly a trenishing ringing set in my ears. I opened my eyes, moaned because my head was so humming and turned around again. But the ringing was not in my dream, it was real. It took me a moment to realise this, while the ringing became more and more penetrating.

„Fuck, man..." I rubbed my temples before trying to get up to go downstairs. I couldn't have slept long, because the alcohol still affected me and I felt me fluctuating slightly. I almost overlooked the last step when I tried to walk and the edge of the drawers too. Besides, it was dark outside and my father obviously still wasn't there. Nevertheless, I had no idea what time it was, after all, I couldn't look at my phone either... Great, that's all so fucking great.

The ringing just didn't stop. Whoever stood there, I hope he has a good reason to wake me up... „Calm down, I'm already on my way..." You could hear in my voice that I was drunk.

The question of who rang the bell was superfluous when I opened the door. „Here!" Lewis threw my sports bag in front of my feet and looked at me angry. „What do you want here?" I tried to sound sober, I don't know if it worked. „Surely you're not here to bring me my bag, so...?"

„No, I'm not." He came one step closer, immediately the smell of alcohol rose into my nose. He also drank? „I'm here to ask you what's not going right in your shitty brain and if I have to worry." At first I thought I had interrogated myself. But then I understood what he wanted, and if it was a fight he was looking for, he could have it. „You want to worry?" I laughed in disbelief. „You should be worried, yes, but not about me, but about you..." Lewis frowned and laughed humourlessly.

„Come on, sweetie. We don't want to fool ourselves, do we?" Oh God, he was drunker than expected. I heard that in his voice, in the way he spoke. That wasn't Lewis.

„You are really insane, Lewis. Take a look, you are completely drunk and also drive in this state?! If I were you, I would really make me some seriously thoughts..." My counterpart replied with a renegade „pff", which made me roll with my eyes. „I can also drive drunk, that's no problem at all. But if that's why you're worried..." I interrupted him. „No I don't, I don't care." This guy really drives me crazy...

„Oh really..." He grinned dirty and put his hands in his pants pockets. „Yes, Lewis. To be honest, there is nothing I don't care more about than the fact that you drive drunk... If that was all, you can go again, can't you?" I wanted to close the door, but he didn't let me.

„Forget it. We're talking to each other now!" Suddenly he sounded much sober, but maybe that was just because the alcohol kicked in for the second time and I felt me getting tired again. „Oh come on, fuck you, Lewis. Just piss off and leave me alone!" I gave the door a thrust and then turned around. But it didn't close, which is why I turned around again. „No, Liv. I certainly won't leave you alone now!" I opened my mouth to say something, but closed it again because I knew it didn't help anyway. Lewis was just Lewis, you couldn't change his mind if he put something in his head...