NECTAR (formally known as: I think I need a mommy?)

26. Midnight therapy ?

Ashley's POV,

I couldn't sleep so I got up and went to the kitchen to get a drink of water.

Today's events playing in my mind like a record player.

I saw a black shadow on the balcony and decided to head out there.

Victoria was sitting on the balcony drinking a glass of red wine. She was staring into space and didn't notice my presence so I cleared my throat.

She looked startled for a bit before she turned to face me.
" Hey what are you doing out here?" she asks in a tired hollow voice.

" Couldn't sleep" I reply before asking "you?"

She stares at the starry sky before saying "I just can't believe Jess- I know you said you don't think Jessica is behind this and I get it, you would always put her over me but I just can't believe they would stoop so and burn down my mom's house.

I worked so hard to build the house. I put my first paycheck towards building this house, not my savings, not my insurance, not my car, not  my house, bills, but my mom's house.

The house took me two and a half years to build.

I built that house one year before I found out my mom had cancer.

It was in the house I learned to bake my first batch of cookies, it was in that house I found out I was adopted, It was in that house my mother took her last breath.

After she died I didn't change the sheets on her bed I did not clean her room. I know it might sound crazy but I wanted to preserve her memory. The world took so much from me already and I did not want to lose any more but right now looking back at it maybe I shouldn't have done that maybe I should have... I don't know burn the fucking house down. 

I did not do anything to the house because I wanted it to remind me of my mother.

I always visit the house when I need a safe place.

That house is my safe space and I love that house more than anything in this world because it smells like my mother and now... It's gone.

My safe space is gone.

The one place on earth where I could find peace and comfort is gone.

You know once I told my friends and my family I was going on a trip to Florida but I lied, I went to my mom's house and they stayed there for one whole week.

I would always wake up in the morning and go to her room just to smell her distinct smell of lavender and garden. I don't know why someone would stoop that low to take away my happiness".

I sit on the balcony and listen to her talking about her mother's house.

I pour a glass of red wine for myself.

Have you ever thought you had it bad in life and then you listened to someone else's story and you're like damn I ain't seen nothing yet or my life isn't that bad well I'm having this moment right. This revelation makes me look at Victoria in a different way. Who would have thought she'd been through so much and is going through so much but she didn't commit suicide. She is still here she's smiling and she has the ability to speak about it her experience.
(Personally opening up to someone is one of the hardest things.)

"You know I've always dreamed about when I get older and I retire, I would live in that same Marine Palace on Darlington Street. I didn't realize that it wouldn't be there forever. I did not know that people would go and set my happiness on fire. Literally!."

You know what I don't understand is every time have I hope, I have it for a minute and then something happens and I just completely lose it... like what's the point in having it in the first place if you're going to lose it in the end?"

I just stare at her my mouth unable to form words to answer her question.

I just doesn't get why someone would spend half of their life, half of their time trying to tear someone down and in the end it doesn't make them any better.
I stopped going to therapy because they always tell me that life is a lesson like what does life want me to learn again?

Is it to know that everything you have you're going to lose it one day? Because I know that. 

Is it to know that you should watch out for people you trust because they can stab you in the fucking back? Because I know that.

Why do I keep learning the same things over and over again. What's the point of even living anymore?" She cries out.

And folks with that the great Victoria Steel breaks down into a crying mess.

"When will life learn that I'm just a little girl who is lost in pain?.

When will life learn that you can't swim if you're already drowned?.

When will life learn that I can't take it anymore?.

When will life learn that I just want to be happy again?.

When will life stop the teaching and just listen for once?".

With that I got up and try to console the crying woman.

"Don't worry Victoria" I whisper to her.

"You will soon find your happiness" I say hugging her and running my fingers through her hair.

"Didn't you hear what I just said" she asks with a hiccup.

"What's the point in having something if you're just going to lose it anyway?"

I put my finger under her chin to raise her face so that she can look into my eyes and see how sincere my next words were going to be.

"No matter what happens, no matter what gets in the way of something that belongs to you, it doesn't matter how many time you lose it, once it's destined for you, once it is meant for you; it will always come back to you because it's yours. Happiness is meant for everyone no matter who you are"

She hugs me back and rest her head on my chest. She wasn't crying anymore.

"don't tell anyone about this" she says lifting up her head a serious expression on her face after she dried her eyes.

"I wouldn't dream of it" I say to the former weeping woman who offers me a small smile in return. She downs the red wine in the cup before standing up.

"We have a long day ahead of us" she said going inside the house with me right behind her.

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