my online lover

not a good day

The stairs look incredibly endless today. While I climb, I huff for the effort I put into it. When you're late, everything seems to take longer: time, stairs and the desire to sleep.

The wind hits my hair, pulling it away from my face, and I quickly swear, asking myself how the heck I ended up in this cold and sad place than my home. I mean. London is also that cold and sad, but I had a different idea from Italy.

I take the last step and look around to check if I can move without being hit by something or someone. When I am sure to be safe, I cross the street quickly. Milan is quieter than London. My father's voice is still rumbling in my ears, and I would like to see him moving around this messy turmoil. Yes. London is certainly more crowded, but not even this city has its moment of peace.

When I can see the University rising ahead of my eyes, I take a long relieved sigh. I feel like I walked all over Lombardy. I take a look at the clock. It's 14:15. I am fifteen minutes early, and I've run like crazy, needlessly. I sit on one of the benches and take a long breath before I feel my phone ringing. I can recognise where the notification is from; it is not a text or any other social media. It's Tinder. When I unlock the screen to see who it is, I smile when I read the name.

I have never liked Tinder. I have always found it as an app for desperate or for someone who wants a one-night stand. I ended up downloading it because I was drunk. I can't even remember doing that. But then I started to text this guy, and after that morning I felt so intrigued that I refused to delete the app.

From: Kevin

Good Morning, young lady.

Are you on time today?

I read the text and feel the excitement rises inside me like a fourteen-year-old. I am a later. I have always been late at everything, and everyone knows that. While I read his text, I realise how he remembers every detail I tell him.

To: Kevin

Good Morning.

Yes, today I am on time... weirdly.

We texted for about a month and a half and still know little about him.

He always replies gently. But he also takes a lot to reply to a text. Sometimes even an entire day. I have never asked either myself or him why, but sometimes I would like to know the reason. I also would like to know more about him, not for a specific reason, just out of curiosity and to know him better. I think it's a normal reaction when you are talking to someone, even if this thought makes me always nervous. By the photo he posted, he seems to be a good-looking guy, but I also know how trapping this app is, and I have always had no hope in it.

What I surely know of him is that he is British like me and that he lives near the centre. I've never told him where I live. I wouldn't feel safe for him to know it.

Then my phone rings again.

From: Kevin

You've never told me where you live.

To: Kevin

This is a secret I'll keep for a while yet.

I put my phone in silent mode and throw it in my bag. I am early, but I don't want to risk being late. I walk inside the University, and there is always this creepy silence that makes me shiver every time. It seems like stepping inside a church, and I never know what tone to use with whoever I meet. I hike towards the hallway that brings me to my class. I still look around like this is my first time here, but by now it has been three years. My goal is to graduate this year and leave this town to begin a new chapter in my life.