my online lover

pull the trigger

My mom wanted me to be proud of myself. Of the girl I was and the woman I will be one day. To keep my spirit, my smile and never lose it for any reason. And, somehow, I forgot about those things until the day I chin up and told myself: you're on your own, and you should do what's best for you.

I should be more proud of myself, more confident, stronger.

That's why I am not afraid of tonight. I am ready to face Joe, what will happen, whatever it takes, and no turning back until the work is done. I'll be standing there, replacing Kevin and acting like I am one of them. I'll play the part good, staring right into Nando's eyes and making him regret what he did to me. To everyone who raised a hand to me. They will see where the real power is. And it will be amazing.

And Kevin will finally breathe.

My dad let me come in the early morning, without letting me sleep too much this morning but dealing with him that we would have lunch together. I agreed, and now we're in the Hospital's canteen. Sitting with us, there is also Ludovico, who is telling some stories about Brody and a woman he met weeks ago. He looks like a new person, and I am so happy to see that smile on his face. I wish I could do the same for all the homeless people around the world, but I need to keep that thought to myself.

«Come sta il ragazzo*?» Ludovico suddenly asks, and I turn my head to him. «Non so il nome*.»

I lazily smile. «Kevin,» I reply. «And he is resting. I hope he'll wake up today.»

I hear my dad shifting his position on the chair, and I wonder what he is thinking about, but I am not going to ask, knowing that whatever his doubts are, I have to answer them, and now it's not the right time.

«Is he your boyfriend?»

I choke on the water as I drink a bit of it and then a nervous laugh. «I don't have an answer to that.»

Ludovico chuckles. «Most of the time, no one has a real answer to those questions,» he keeps saying before shrugging. «But there is something between you two, right?»

I nod, flashing a side eye to my father who is facing the food under his nose. «Long story,» I cut, looking away before standing up. «I should go back,» I warn them before picking up my tray and walking away from the men. My dad says nothing, and Ludovico greets me with a hand wave and a big smile.

I walk back into Kevin's room, sitting next to him and looking at the time. He is supposed to meet his father at eight o'clock in the evening, and I'll be there at the same time, with Kevin's Audi. Daniele comes and goes, checking on him, and together we review what the boy had to do and what I'll do step by step. I feel ready, and I said it to Daniele too. Even tho he is still concerned about my decision. He hasn't discussed it anymore. The only problem will be once Kevin is awake and knows what's going on. He won't take it well, but I'll be sure he stays in bed and doesn't leave it until I am back.

My head is laid on the bed, next to him for hours. I also took a nap, and when I woke up, I realised I had a long sleep, and that the clock is ticking. The time is coming.

I stand up to open the windows and freshen the air, but when I turn back, I jolt, squeaking for a little scared of seeing Kevin's eyes open and placed on me. Then I realise and run over him, my heart finally feeling the joy again and my muscles relaxing.

«You finally woke up,» I murmur, bowing my body to hug him, but then I snap back when he grunts for the pain. «Oh, sorry, I forgot about it.»

I face his eyes, and he smiles at me, even in pain. «It's a pleasant pain,» he says with a very low voice before moving his hand to sign me to go back on him.