Three years ago.
I am sitting next to my mom's bed in the hospital. Her breath is slow and weary. Her eyes are closed, but a soft smile is still placed on her face while on mine there are only tears and desperation.
The moment has arrived, and I am not ready for it. I don't think I would ever be.
She holds strongly my hand, for how much she can, and her thumb rubs my dry skin. «Don't cry, my beautiful child,» she whispers, opening her eyes to meet mine. The same light blue, two oceans mixing. «When you cry, you lose ten of your years,» she jokes, and a little chuckle leaves her mouth.
I can't believe she can still be this positive in her last moment. I wish I could have her force, but I sense the weakness like my father. I wonder if together we can move on from this.
I sniff, scrubbing my hand under my nose to wipe away the salty tears. «I don't want you to go,» I sob and bow my head, shaking it in disappointment. «Why you? Why do you have to leave me?»
«I am not-...» she coughs and then deeply inhales. «I am not leaving you, my beautiful baby. I will always be with you, next to you, listening to you. I'll be there.» She raises her other hand and points my chest towards my heart.
«It's not the same,» I point out with a choked tone. «You won't be here, physically with me.»
«Losing someone is never easy, I know,» she starts again, her smile shining on her pale face. «But you don't have to be sad about what you're losing, be proud of having spent time with them. Having had all of them. Having loved them, lived them and with them.» She closes her eyes, her breath slowing, and my father stands up from the chair, rushing next to me. «Never picture me the way I am right now, baby girl. Remember all those good moments we had because that's what made our journey special. And even if our roads now got separated, we will always have memories that will never drop us.»
The monitor on the bed's left starts to do deep beeps. And my heart beats fast, like a car in a race. My dad grips my shoulders and places the other hand on the crossed ones of me and my mom.
«Be proud of the girl you are and the woman you'll be one day,» my mom keeps speaking.
«Mom-»
«Never be sad because of me. Be smiley, and keep the saviour heart on. Take care of your father,» she chuckles meanwhile the nurse enters the room, and I start to panic, not being able to breathe properly. «Promise me one thing, Enede.»
I nod, even if she can't see me.
«Promise me that you will love. And whomever you'll love, do whatever it takes to never lose them. Love them like you love me and find in them what you saw in me. So you can finally be in peace-»
The monitor beeps become one, and my mom's hold on my hand loses. I lift my head, meeting her soft and relaxed face. Her eyes closed, and her motionless chest.
«No, Mom,» I start to yell, but my dad holds me before I jump on her. «Mom,» I yell again. Tears fill my face, and my heart breaks. «Mom, I can't do it without you. Mom!»
«Enede, please,» my dad whispers in his sobbing, strongly holding me.
She is gone.
And she asked me to love someone the same way I loved her.
How can she think I could do something like that?
No one can take her place. I will never love anyone. Either the way I loved her or in any other type.
YOU ARE READING
my online lover
RomanceWhen Enede comes across Kevin at first she thinks that life is giving her so many joys. She meets him on Tinder and she hates Tinder but somehow she finds herself talking to him while in her life everything is taking shape and is adjusting, like her...
