my online lover

it's about feelings

Another month has passed.

I thought January was slow and now I realise how fast weeks are passing and how nervous it makes me feel. Not because I don't want time to pass, but because while days are moving speedily the plan is sluggish and I am afraid that Joe is also working on something and setting a trap for Kevin. I don't know how his mind works, I barely want to know what he says to his son, but somehow I would like to talk with him and try to understand his actions.

We've been waiting weeks for Joe to give Kevin directions for the attack. And today we're off from Daniele's office so I decided to stay at home with Antonio, having a moment together since we don't hang out often. I don't know what Kevin is doing, today. He told me he has errands to take care of but I didn't ask what kind. Maybe he wants to meet his father again, check on him and see if he finally has a day for the attack but at the same time, I think he would've told me.

Antonio and I are on my couch and I am listening to him while he talks about how his days are going lately. I am missing Brody, although we talk. He left a few days ago and I feel his absence more than maybe I should. Ludovico has found a new apartment, so they now can live together again. I am thinking to have a puppy but is a thought I have to keep and not make it because right now I can't take care of someone else.

«Lately University is great,» Antonio says with a proud smile. «And I can't wait for graduation so Giacomo and I can actually think of a plan to go away.»

His smile seems to be upset as he says those words. I tilt my head, giving him a confused look. «Aren't you happy about it?»

«Yes, sure, but the problem is that Giacomo hasn't found any good job there. And without a job, we can't afford a home. It seems to be harder than we thought,» he admits with a crinkly voice. «And because of that, we're having some little discussions.»

I land my hand on his and hold it. «Don't think negatively. You will go there for holidays and see what the country can offer you and if America isn't the one, you can go wherever you want to. The world is big,» I try with an assertive voice and a reassuring smile. «It's life or death, you can't overthink about it too much.»

Antonio chuckles upon hearing my words. «Is what mafia's life teaches?»

I take back my hand and give him an annoying glare. «Actually, yes. You can't think too much when it's about risking your life. So either you do something or you basically are waiting for them to kill you.»

«That's deep,» he jokes about it. «How the plan is going?»

I sigh before hiding my neck between my shoulders. «It's going,» I comment twisting my lips. «Kevin's father moves with heavy steps, he is trying to understand if his son is playing with him or not. He is waiting for a call... Joe is testing his son as Kevin is doing an internship and not because is his blood.»

Antonio raises his brow. «I mean, Kevin has always told him he doesn't want to be part of it so I think it's normal to be this cautious, mostly if you own the city and you need to be sure no one is trying to set you up.»

I huff laying down on the sofa. «I know, but how can you be this fatherless? This man is making me so angry every time I just think about him.»

Antonio chuckles before slapping my leg in a friendly way. «I mean, he is making the love of your life's life a mess, I get it.»

I lift my head, facing him with a nagging expression and I keep my mouth closed in a straight line. He looks at me with an amused smile before realising I'm not changing my expression and he turns down his lips before snapping his tongue and looking away. «I was kidding,» he mumbles.