my online lover

fixing or breaking?

I am looking outside the big window on my right. It is so early that I am really surprised to be this awake without having my usual morning coffee. I didn't want to take up both Antonio and Giacomo, so when I woke up I had neither washed. I will go after the talk with my father.

He comes right after five minutes I am here. I waited to order something, so we could have breakfast together. I look at him while he is coming inside with a big smile on his face, greeting the waiters that show him where my place is. My dad is wearing a long camel coat, with a grey square scarf. I can see the white blouse he always wears to go to work. He also has this usual briefcase that changes color according to what he wears.

When he reaches me he is still smiling but hesitating. As if he doesn't know if to do it or not. I can just read a lot of miscommunication in his eyes and realize how sorry I am not to have so much time to spend with him, as we used to. Me with the university and him with his job. We never find time to talk.

«How are you?» He asks while he takes off his scarf and coat.

I raise my shoulders and face him. «In one house I have class and I haven't slept.»

«I am sorry.»

«Nah, it's all my fault.»

I slightly smile and then when the waiter comes to us, we order breakfast. He takes his usual American long coffee and I will never understand how he can like that. I take a cappuccino and an empty brioche, even if I am a lot hungry I don't wanna waste food if somehow the conversation goes in a bad way and closes my stomach.

My father looks back at me. «I think it is right to say that Marina told me she is not going to have dinner with us until you ask her to.»

I stop my tongue to answer in an evil joke way and I nod slowly, absorbing the words. This should make me happy but somehow after the chat with Giacomo, I don't feel this glorious anymore. «You can tell her that she can come tonight. I and her can cool while you don't have to be there.»

My dad almost chokes with his saliva. He is looking at me, waiting for me to change my mind or to tell him that I am joking but I don't. I am still looking at him seriously. «I wanna try to understand her. I wanna be aware if I am the one who is getting all wrong or if she is a bitch.»

«Enede.» He accuses me but then he gets and nod. «I know what you mean, and I want to talk about this. Marina has never had the desire to take your mom's place and she wants you to know that. Before you met her, it has been months. She never wanted to meddle. She wanted me to tell you and then when you would have been ready, you two would have met. I didn't wait and I quickly mixed the two things.

«I didn't want to wait. I thought that it would have been nice to have again a woman in the house, a mother figure. But I should think twice. The last thing a young girl who just lost her mother wants is to see her father next to another woman.»

All these revelations are making my head spin. I am trying to absorb everything and I nod while I do that. Marina has never been the mean character ins this story. My father is but he did it unconsciously. I have always had bad thoughts about that woman just because my father acted for my good without asking me what I wanted.

My dad inhales sharply. «You hate her because of me.»

«I don't hate her. I can't hate someone I don't know. But you have to understand that it is not easy for me to see another woman around the house. Where mom lived for so long. Marina will never be a mother or a stepmother. She will always be my father's girlfriend.»

«It makes sense.»

The quietness surrounds us when finally our order comes and then the waiter says to us the total. My father pays with his phone before I can even reach my purse. I look at him while he pays, smiles and thanks before the guy leaves the table.