Pretend (Harry Styles) - Book 3

Chapter 60: "What happened to us?"

34 Weeks Along

-Harry's POV-

I pace back and forth across the room, the same as I have for the past two hours.

Same as I have since I stepped into my flat, trying to work up the courage I just can't seem to muster.

The courage I wasn't able to find on the entire fourteen hour flight to London.

She doesn't know I'm here, in the same city for the first time in months.

Doesn't know I came for one reason and one reason only.

I flew out the second the show was over. We had three days off before the next concert was scheduled.

I would spend two of them on a plane, flying back and forth between London and the states.

That left me with one.

I knew we couldn't solve all our problems in one day. We couldn't get back what we had.

But I could see her. Just see her at least.

I could tell her I was sorry. I could tell her I loved her.

Fuck did I love her.

She would probably yell at me. Throw me out. Maybe even slap me across the face.

All of it I deserve.

She hurt me. Still hurts when I think about what she said. But I did so much worse.

Ava said what she did because she was upset, I said what I did with the sole intention of wanting her to hurt like I was.

Neither were right.

But only one can never be forgotten.

Even if she can somehow forgot what I said, move past it.. I'd never be able to forget it myself.

I'm such a bloody idiot.

I curse under my breath, shaking my head at myself as I continue to pace the room.

I don't even know really what the fuck I'm doing. I flew to London cause I knew a phone call wouldn't be enough.

But now that I'm here, my initial plan of just showing up at Poppy's flat sounds mad.

When it comes to Ava I've always pushed a bit to hard. Always tried to move things along more quickly then I should.

I couldn't help it.

I'd spent months with her on the tour bus, my attraction to her turning into so much more so quickly it scared me.

But I wasn't scared of getting into a relationship with her, like I had all the girls before her. I was scared of letting her slip through my fingers.

Scared of losing her.

So in the process of trying to make her mine and keep her, I mucked everything up. Made wretched decisions. Countless times.

And here I am again. Afraid I've lost her for good. Afraid that fear is going to do the same thing to me as it always has.. Influence me to push her to hard when she's not ready and fuck up yet again.

I drop myself down onto the couch, groaning as I glance at the clock. It's to late now. I've spent to much time walking the length of my living room. She's sure to be asleep already.

I lean forward, pulling my phone from the pocket of my skinny jeans. With a sigh I send one final text message before I call it a night.

To Poppy: You're probably to bed already but I made it to London. Call me when you wake up?