Fractures

45 || Fractures

A/N: chapter 44 was just posted, Pls do well to read that first so you don't get things mixed up, okay thanks, I'll shut up now :)

Chapter 45 : Fractures

As I sat in the cold, oversanitized room, staring at the still face of my boyfriend, the electric beeping sound of the monitor filling the room…

I couldn't help but wonder where it had all gone wrong.

Ashton had been a hot commodity, almost untouchable… maybe I was bad luck.

Even since we'd met, even our meeting itself was one which had defined our relationship up till this point, Ashton getting hurt and for some reason, I was always at the centre of everything.

I drew in a breath, taking Ashton's cold hand in mine.

The door swung open, with Angie, Jessica, Justin, Alex and Devin rushing in.

"We're so sorry we're late," Angie said. "Alex had a flat tire and Justin also decided to stop to get these."

Justin gave a cheeky grin, placing a bouquet of flowers on Ashton's bedside.

"You could have called," I said, a hint of irritation in my voice

"Yeah, we're so sorry," Jessica interceded.

It was exactly eight hours to Ashton's final surgery, we'd all decided to stop by before it. Devin had insisted on paying for the surgery even though we asked he didn't.

We all stood there, like we were afraid to speak. Devin finally spoke up.

"Hey pal." He gave Ashton a gentle tap on the cheeks. "You're gonna make it, although I didn't really know you, you're tough… and you can't leave Maddie, we all miss you."

He took a step back, searching for who was ready to speak up next. Justin walked up.

"Ash baby, you don't get to just leave like that, we didn't even get a chance to say goodbye." Justin, for the very first time since I'd seen him, was at the verge of tears.

"You've been the best roomate I've ever had, the only one who finished all my frosted flakes every week actually, it'll be such a hassle getting a new one..." We will gave a small smile... "...besides, you're not going to let Joey get the last laugh are you?"

Maybe it was the fact Ashton had always been compared to everyone, he'd always been seen as the undefeatable guy, but for some reason, Justin's words triggered something in me

"That's all you care about isn't it?" I chimed.

Everyone looked at me, confused.

"That's all you all care about, who's stronger, who's a better fighter, isn't it?"

"Calm down Maddie, it was just a joke," Alex said.

"Well I don't think it was that funny," I retorted, my tone surprisingly sharper as I stared at Justin.

"Everything's a joke to you, isn't it?" I asked. "First you're late cause of some stupid flower–"

"That's enough Maddie," Alex interrupted, taking my hand but I quickly pulled away.

"Don't you f*cking touch me!" I yelled. "You don't even care, you've hated me ever since you met me," I shot at Alex.

"That's why you've always made fun of me isn't it?"

"You know that's not true Maddie," he retorted, his face filled with concern and for the very first time, sympathy.

"What I know's you don't give a f*ck if Ashton dies!"

"What's gotten into you Maddie," Angie shot.

"Yeah, defend him, he's your boyfriend after all."

Jessica grabbed me, pulling me out the room with her as I yelled at Devin.

"You don't even care he's dying, you put him there!"

"What the hell has gotten over you," Jessica shot once I was safely out the room.

"What's wrong with me? What's wrong with you Jessica? You've hated me ever since I've known you…"

Her expression softened, a hint of shame on her face as she looked at the ground.

"You all are the reason he's like this…"

When everyone expects so much from you, you've just got to put yourself out there.

"Maybe if you all cared, Ashton wont be dying."

I turned, leaving the hospital immediately.

•••

I'd left everyone back at the hospital and gotten a taxi back to the apartment. I sighed as I got in, falling right unto the couch as my phone rang

Jessica calling…

Decline!

I drew in a shaky breath at the thought of what I'd just done. Yeah, they didn't deserve that, none of them did but at this point, I didn't know who did.

My phone pinged as a message from Jessica popped up.

Jessica- I'll be at the apartment in a minute, we need to talk!!

By the double exclamation points, I could tell it wasn't about to be some cherry discussion, so I casually stood from the couch, making my way to my room to avoid what was to come.

I got into my room, leaning against the door, my eyes casually scanning the room.

Nothing was different, it was exactly how I'd left it this morning but everything somehow felt different…

I finally spotted it, a red checkered flannel laying casually on my chair, but it wasn't mine.

Ashton had forgotten it the last time he'd slept over. I slowly walked towards it, taking the shirt as my eyes teared up, the longing to hold him felt saddening. I drew in a whiff of his scent, the cologne still latched on to it and for once I was grateful I hadn't washed it.

I grabbed out my phone, scrolling to my gallery where his photo was.

His face was that of amusement and shock, he seemed perfect. I couldn't help the tears rolling down my eyes as a sat on the floor.

I could here the apartment open, Jessica's voice filling the place.

"Maddie, I know you're in there, we're having this discussion wether you like it or not, that was so f*cking disrespectful and ru–"

She barged into my room, taking a pause when she saw me sitting there, my eyes a teary red, snuggling unto the flannel shirt.

"Maddie?" She said, her tone filled with pity and shock.

"Jess, I'm tired of fighting." I sniffed. "You're right, I've tried to blame everyone, I've blamed you, blamed Justin, blamed Angie and Alex but the truth is I'm just as guilty…" I muttered, more tears pouring down my eyes.

"The truth is Ashton is dying cause of me, cause he loves me, I'm just as guilty," I sniffled.

"I lie to myself I'm okay but every time I see him like that, I feel like I lose a piece of me, fractures, I just... I just can't–" I couldn't manage to finish my sentence, bursting into a fit of continuous sobs as I let the tears fall out as I my words became nothing but a muffled cry.

Jessica stood for a second, a mixture of shock and pity plastered on her face. She made her way to me, falling to the floor beside me and pulling me into her arms.

We sat there in silent tears as she patted my hair.