Searing Burst of Rage (Fireheart 2)

Chapter 33

I realized everything I've said to Signora, and all, I can't take it back. I couldn't tell how angry I was. She might be correct in the part where I'm defending my father. I still want to deny and believe that he's still the person I look up to.

I marched my way out of the living room. I bumped into Dafiah at the stairs,giving me a worried look, she must have heard the conversation. I kept walking to my room here, not Alfe's. I heard him call my name, I also heard footsteps walking after me.

I thought it was Alfe, when I entered I turned around to see Dafiah. She walked to me and then gave me a tight hug. "You can cry," she whispered.

Alfe then followed. Humiwalay si Dafiah sa akin para bigyan ng pagkakataon na tuluyang makalapit si Alfe sa akin. I didn't regret anything I've said to his Mama, it made me at least feel better, and I couldn't careless about what Alfe might think of me.

"I'm sorry," he apologized.

I don't know what it meant or what is it for. He's sincere but I don't need it right now. I hate him for saying sorry or feeling sorry for me. I want him to say that it is okay, it is okay that I did that because I deserve to say what I feel or what I want to say.

He hugged me, hushing me. Well, I guess this is better than him saying sorry or telling me it is okay. Hugs say a lot, better than words, better than anything. Hug is where comfort is, no matter how chaotic things are or the world is, so long as you are in a hug, you're safe and it's peace.

My father might have betrayed me, some might not like me at all, however, I have few people who genuinely care for me. I want to repay them, but how can I do that? I want to protect them but I don't have the power to do so.

Alfe faced me and then caress my cheeks which I bet is still reddened by Signora's slap. He is looking at me with a mixture of concern, feeling rueful, and anger. Before he could say something, there was a knock on the door.

Dafiah opened it for us and there was this servant who informed Alfe that Signora wants to talk to him. Alfe didn't want to but I urge him to. Whatever Signora will say to Alfe, any discouragement to cut me loose, I trust him. He had proven himself by coming to me.

"Trea," Dafiah held my arm the moment Alfe went out of the room.

"I'm okay, Dafiah," I said calmly. "I just need to clear up my mind for a while."

She nodded and just stayed with me in silence. I dropped my back on the bed as I watched the ceiling as if there was a movie playing there. And there was, I'm not high or what, it's like the previous conversations, events, and my past with Papa was being shown.

"Dafiah, should I hold on to Alfe?"

She instantly turned to me as if I had this big surprise. "What do you mean?"

"I feel sorry that he's married to me. I feel sorry that he loves me." I paused. "I can't live with his parents despising me and I can't live living as his worthy wife which I'm not."

"Well..." she paused to find words to reply to me. She obviously hasn't experienced being married and especially now that it's worse with my husband's mother. "You love each other, right? Isn't it enough reason?"

"I want to hold on to him. I can trust him but it just doesn't feel right. It doesn't fit. He has proven himself to me but I haven't proven myself to him. I will just let him down."

It occurred to me that I clearly have nothing. Wala akong maipapamalas sa kanya, kahit saang anggulo mo tignan. I can't protect him like I wanted to, I will always be a shame to their family with my background and I can't love him enough knowing that I'm hardly any.