liii. sick of us

369 20 7
                                    

◯◯◯

Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.

◯◯◯

JIANA DIDN'T SEE Hyunjoo for the rest of the trip, which she was glad for. On the plane ride back, however, as she'd been returning from the washroom, Jake intercepted her path.

"Can we talk?" he'd asked.

She'd shaken her head no.

"Please." He looked sad. "It'll be quick."

Jiana had sighed and followed him towards the back of the jet. They stood in the corner, her arms crossed as she stared at him. He tried to maintain a reasonable distance between them, but given the space they had, it wasn't much.

"I'm sorry," he blurted.

She cocked a brow.

"It's late, but I wasn't allowed to speak to you and you wouldn't even look at me and-" He trailed off, running a hand through his hair. "It's not an excuse. I'm so sorry. For everything."

Okay, she mouthed.

"It's not. I messed up." Jake sighed. "I never meant to hurt you."

Jiana's brows knit and her nose scrunched as she made a seriously? face.

Jake sighed. "I'm not asking you to forgive me. But... you weren't just for fun, for me. It was more than that with you." He shrugged. "You did something to me."

She resisted the urge to roll her eyes.

"You..." He bit his lip. "I felt something new," he murmured. "It freaked me out and I fucked it up. I don't like Hyunjoo. I never will. There was only one person I wanted, and that was you." 

Jiana stared. He was saying all the right things. So why didn't she feel anything? This beautiful boy she'd been (ugh) infatuated with was standing here and telling her she was special to him, yet all she could think about was that she was suddenly craving pasta? Was this the absurdity of high school relationships? How had she gone from caring so much to not at all?

She placed a hand on his shoulder, looked into his eyes. It's alright, she mouthed, making sure he could read her lips. Really.

"O-okay." He stepped back. She turned to leave. "Do you think," Jake said, and Jiana paused, "we'll be friends again someday?"

Jiana shrugged, because she sincerely didn't know.

Jake wilted. "I understand."

And that was that. Now, as she sat in the psychiatrist's office, Jiana wondered absently whether those feelings would ever reappear.

"Let me ask you this," Julia began, crossing her legs as she balanced her tablet in her lap. "Why do you think you jumped into something with Jake in the first place?"

He felt nice, Jiana wrote. she paused. And I felt good and normal when I was with him.

Julia watched her carefully. "You've said before that you felt like parts of you were switched off after the incident. Were you drawn to Jake less because you wanted to be with him and more because he switched on certain feelings, which is why you ignored the red flags?"

the golden ones, enhypenWhere stories live. Discover now