lxix. was i wrong

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Dear Nina,

I don't think I'll have the courage to tell you this face-to-face, which is why I'm sending you this. I won't be looking into Mei's death anymore. I'm not giving up on her, but I'm going to stop here.

I've decided to stop pretending that I can handle this, Nina. I believe, now more than ever, that our sister died unfairly. I really wanted to help you prove it. But with every new detail we find, I'm taken deeper into those dark years. I'm reminded of every horrifying thing we went through, and it drags me into this obsession. I can't heal.

As I type this, I feel like I've failed Mei. Is it shameless to say that I want you to find out? You're stronger than me. I hope you get your answers. But for my own health, I need to walk away. I'm not okay, honestly. But I want to be okay. This hasn't helped.

I understand if you're angry at me. I would be, too. I'm being very selfish. I'm sorry.

Yours,

Jiana.


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"ARE YOU SERIOUS?"

Jiana took a small step back as Nina stormed towards them, brandishing her phone in angry disbelief. Jiana had anticipated the reaction, but it startled her nonetheless.

"You're walking away." Nina's knuckles whitened around her phone. "You're leaving me to deal with all this alone."

You're not alone, Jiana typed, stepping closer to show her. It's just that I can't-

Nina pushed the phone away, not waiting for her to finish. "That's not what I mean, and you know it." Her eyes grew misty. "How could you do this to Mei?"

"Wait." Riki stepped forward. He and Jay had been with Jiana when she drafted the email, so they were familiar with its contents. And they were with her now, late in the evening by her locker. School had ended hours ago, and Jiana had sent the email that morning. "Xu, I get why you're pissed. But Jia doesn't have to-"

"She does have to!" Nina turned back to Jiana. "You were her sister more than I ever was! You owe it to her to find out, but you just don't care anymore?"

Jay set a hand on Nina's arm, attempting to soothe her. "Nina."

She shook him off. "You're still alive, Jiana! But she isn't! She's dead!"

Jiana lips parted in distress, at a loss for a way to make this better.

"You admitted that you believe me. You think I'm right about her death. Now you get to pull back, but I'm supposed to keep doing the grunt work?" Nina ran a hand through her hair, glancing around before her eyes rested on Jiana again. "I might not even be actually related to her. So what makes me different from you?"

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