𝐑𝐞𝐝 𝐑𝐢𝐝𝐠𝐞

A A R O N

Between appointments for Charlie and spending time with her, I'm either in class or with Maddison. Not having to hide from her is a relief, but now that everybody is aware of my sister's condition, I'm either getting stared at with sympathy or asked questions about it by random passers-by.

Even my classmates have stooped low enough to ask me about her cancer, but thankfully nobody in my company has dared. Not yet at least.

Maddison has been helping to give me options, acting as a sounding board for me in my pursuit of enough confidence to throw away dance, everything I've worked so hard for. But dancing is a goal that I've lost sight of why I made it along the way. If you ask me why I love to dance, I can't think of a single reason other than egotistical ones.

Maddison and I haven't been intimate again since that first time, and in between thinking about my sister, my life, and my future, I'm thinking about her. Her lips, her hair, her skin, holding her against me, and most of all, the person that she's become to me. I've found a friend in Maddison, the most unlikely of people to become close to me, and yet, knowing her now it makes perfect sense.

Reserved, not closed off. Caring, but not sensitive. Strong, but not angry. She listens to me and doesn't talk a lot but then again, neither do I. Right now, Maddison is my person. The only person that I don't need energy to be with, and she doesn't mind how things are changing, she simply is there for me in ways I've always wanted someone to be.

My phone goes off and a smile starts at the sight of my lock screen. A photo of Maddison and I stares back at me, one that I had taken of the three of us on our walk with Moony, at a moment when she had picked the puppy up and held her, and I was able to capture the picture at the moment Maddison looked up at me. Her face in the photo is relaxed and unaware, the moment before she recognizes what I'm doing and proceeded to glare at me in mock offense, though when I sent the picture to her, she saved it to her own phone not knowing how much that small gesture meant to me, aware of it or not.

The notification that lights my phone up is from Charlie, one saying where and when to meet her for her next appointment, the one where we find out our options for what comes next, depending on her bloodwork and scans, information that will be ready by tomorrow.

For today, I'm choosing to skip my last class in favor of hanging out with Maddie in her apartment. Charlie has Moony as emotional support for the day, as it's been hard adjusting to not only going through all of this again but this time with a kind of popularity only a student-athlete—one with posters of their face all over campus—can understand. Today, she wants to be alone, for the most part, so Xander is moping in his room last I heard, while Charlie does the same.

I wait outside of my dorm once I'm done gathering my things in a backpack, bringing a change of clothes in case I end up staying the night. Hopeful, maybe. Realistic? Yet to be determined, but it doesn't hurt to be prepared. It's not like I'm bringing condoms.

Hearing her before I see her, the revving of her motorcycle acts as a bell and I'm Pavlov's dog, salivating over the thought of seeing my pseudo-girlfriend. Maddie pulls up, and says "Hey Prince. Hop on," without taking off her helmet, though she at least turns to look at me. Her eyes roam my chest and then my arms, bare in the t-shirt I have on.

I try to imagine what she sees. My chest isn't large, but my shoulders are broad and muscular, stretching the top of my t-shirt out where it fits loosely on my waist. My pants are simple, light joggers that don't provide any warmth, and fit tight on my bum which I know is on the large side, along with my thighs. Every part of me is built from dance, so though I know I'm strong, I don't look like the guys she must see regularly at her gym and I become self-conscious.