𝐑𝐞𝐝 𝐑𝐢𝐝𝐠𝐞

C H A R L O T T E

Good news doesn't come easily these days, in fact, it doesn't seem to come at all. After an early-morning appointment at the hospital, which Alexander joined me for because he's an early riser—I wouldn't have told him otherwise—I solemnly gathered my things and walked to my first class. The news of my condition spread only yesterday, but the stares I receive from passers-by make me want to crawl out of my skin in a way attention hadn't ever made me feel before.

I only stomach half of my first class of the day before I feel like I might throw up, and I hadn't even started my chemotherapy yet. Walking back to the room is a challenge in itself, because there are strangers on the street and sidewalks, and there are the strangers in your building, people you come to know over the course of your time spent here.

Avoiding the eyes, thankfully not having to do the same with questions, I make it to my own room and close the door behind me. Closing my eyes, I sink against it and let out a breath.

"When were you going to tell me?" I'm startled out of my silence by my roommate's voice. My eyes open only to break my heart at the sight of her, upright in her bed but under the covers. Her eyes are red and puffy as if she'd been crying. Tissues lay haphazardly over her covers and the floor, her hair a mess and clothes rumpled.

"I was going to tell you today. I thought I had more time," I admit honestly, my chest constricting with guilt and pain caused by my own secret—something I never wanted to keep from my best friend. Reed is the only person other than my brother who knew about my condition before, but like me, she'd seen how healthy I turned out to be and had convinced herself that it was cured and would never come back. We never talked about it because there was never any need. I've only ever been sick once in the time I've known her, and that was most likely what started this all.

"It's not like you owe me anything, I know that. But finding out from—"

"I'm so sorry, Reed. So so sorry," I move to sit with her on her bed and she immediately swiped the tissues to the floor and wraps her arms around me.

"I just want to be there for you. We live together. If you can't be honest with me..." She cries and the sight unnerves me. Reed almost never cries.

"I can. I can. Saying it out loud...It makes it real. Until I start chemo and radiation, I don't want it to be real," I tell her, my voice small.

"So that's how far it is? It's really back?" She practically whispers, as if speaking the words any louder might give them more strength. I nod.

"My appointment this morning confirms it. Nobody knows yet. I wanted to give it a day. They need to start as soon as possible for the best chances..." of survival. I trail off, not wanting to speak the words into existence.

"I'll be there. I don't care when or where, I will be there with you." She says and I lean my head on her chest. Nodding, I squeeze her tighter.

"I would appreciate that. Alexander said he'd take me to any appointments he can, but I want you with me at this one."

"Of course. You don't even have to ask." She says but I can tell there is more on her mind so I ask.

"How did you find out?"

"The people in my class were talking about it but I was ignoring them. They remembered I'm on the team and turned around to ask me about it...I basically said no comment and left," She tells me, making the guilty feeling in my chest spread to my stomach, gripping it until I feel as though if there were anything in it, it would easily come up.

I sigh. Sorry is on the tip of my tongue but sorry doesn't do anything. If I were in Reed's place, I would feel hurt, betrayed, sad, all of those things, and more. My best friend, the last to know practically by my choosing.