Nobody Can Say It's You

45

"Lou Edna," Hadley said, "what in blue blazes are you knocking on my door for at this early hour? It's not even six o'clock. Even Onus hasn't opened his eyes yet? You haven't seen Button again, have you?"

"No," said Lou Edna. "But I might as well have."

"Calm down," Hadley said. "I'll make you a strong cup of decaf. Tell me what's the matter."

"Have you had anything bad happen?" Lou Edna asked. "Lately, I mean."

"No," Hadley said. "Well, nothing unusual. I mean Onus is always causing trouble, but that's his nature. He lives to torment my soul. And he's got more imagination than a dozen two-year-old toddlers when it comes to stirring up trouble."

"Oh, I don't mean that cat," Lou Edna said. "I know he's a handful. I mean real trouble, Hadley."

"No," said Hadley. "Why?"

"I want to go see Dilcie," Lou Edna said. "I was there that night the Elanor twin gave you that mojo bag. I need one myself."

"Why?" Hadley asked.

"You just don't know what I've been through since that night at Sadie's. Goodness gracious, I wish I'da told Ora Lavelle I had a bad case a gas that night. The squirts. Anything. I shoulda just kept my cute little patootie at home where it belonged. Them girls' nights out ain't what they're cracked up to be, you know what I mean?

First, they usually want you to go on a weeknight.

Do you know how much time I spend on my feet? Too much to be hittin' the dance floor in my cowboy boots 'n' skinny jeans! Then, you gotta go wherever the other gals want to go.

Shoot. I knew I should have stayed at home when Ora Lavelle said that Cotton 'n' Dot 'n' Gatha were busy 'n' couldn't go. It was an omen hittin' me square in the eyes. DON'T GO in all capital letters. But I hated to let Ora Lavelle down. I'd already taken a rain check three times before. I had other plans with a gentleman friend, don't you know."

"Umm," Hadley muttered.

"Ora Lavelle was whinin' a lot that I didn't love her no more," Lou Edna said. "I guess I had the guilts. I don't know. But I said I'd go that night, even though it was only gonna be me 'n' her. And she picked Sadie's, of all places.

That joint is like across the county out of my way, you know what I'm sayin', Hadley. But I sucked it in 'n' said 'fine.'

We hadn't been there no time when Buster called 'n' Ora Lavelle lit out for home like her tail was scalded.

There I sat like a knot on a log sippin' a warm beer, which I detest in the first place. I don't know why I didn't just light out for the parkin' lot with Ora Lavelle.

Safety in numbers, you know, but that dang Cal Orvelle was sangin' soooo purty. And it was one of my favorite songs.

I'm still shook up over sightin' Button or whoever it was. Then to find out later I'd been cursed! I'm just fit to be tied.

I've had three flat tires in a month! Three. That's a brand-new set of tires. They ain't been on my car six months!

All my indoor plants died! All of them. I've had that Christmas cactus for years. Every single plant at the shop is fine. Just the ones at the house. Dead 'ern a doornail.

Them two stray cats I been feedin' fer a while done up 'n' left.

My furnace went bad.

That last big rain we had, my basement flooded. I ain't never had it to flood since I been rentin' that house.

The Kelvinator is knockin'. It's fixin' to go out next.

Four old ladies that's been good customers forever, up 'n' quit on me.

Well, one of them died, so I cain't blame her, but them other three said they was goin' to let their hair go nat'ral. Let it grow 'n' knot it up on a bun on top their heads.

Have you ever, Hadley!

Now, I'm worried sick I might come down with the mange or somethin' just as bad. Who wants a hairdresser with hot spots all over her head?"

"Now, Lou Edna," Hadley said, stifling a laugh, "you have had a run of bad luck. But I really think that's all it is. Don't get your girdle twisted. We all go through spells like that. I once had four appliances go out within three months. Harry said it was because they were the same age. You know when you build a house or renovate, you do purchase them at the same time."

Lou Edna looked unconvinced.

"I saw him, you know," Lou Edna said. "I was standing at the other end of Main Street. The whole area was just one mob of people. Burke Garris had the prettiest quilt display, Hadley. Her prices weren't bad, neither."