Nobody Can Say It's You

74

"Hey, how's Skip?" Hadley asked.

Maury and Hadley and Beanie were volunteering at the wildlife shelter. Maury and Hadley were teaming up to clean out cages. Beanie was in charge of filling water bowls.

"He's okay, I guess," said Maury. "He always says 'fine' when I ask him. I guess if he told me the truth, he'd have to kill me."

"Don't worry, Maury. He's a good kid," said Hadley.

"Umm," said Maury.

"Did you see the article on Button Dudley?" Hadley asked.

"Wasn't that somethin'?" said Maury.

"They think Button got a hold of some kind of hallucinogenic plant while foraging in the woods," said Hadley.

"I don't see how that could happen, Hadley," Maury said. "Button knew those woods like the back of his hand. He'd been foraging for food since he was a little boy."

"Well," Hadley said, "he was old. His eyesight wasn't what it used to be, I'm sure. And we don't know how his mind was. If he was suffering from dementia or anything."

"You're right," said Maury. "He kept to himself."

"A private man," said Hadley. "We got a lot of folks like that around here. Nothing wrong with loving your privacy, I guess, until something goes wrong with you. Then, it becomes hard for anyone to know. Can't get you help if nobody knows you need it."

"I know," said Maury.

Hadley had finished up. Maury had volunteered to help with the feeding. Ruth would take her home. Hadley went off to find Beanie. She hadn't seen him in for a while. She wondered what he was doing.

Beanie was squatted near a cage. He looked like he was making strange movements with his mouth.

"Beanie," Hadley said, "what gives?"

"What do you mean?" Beanie asked, looking over his shoulder.

"I mean you've been there in one position long enough for your feet to go to sleep and fall off," said Hadley.

"My feet will fall off if they get too sleepy?" Beanie asked.

"No," Hadley said. "It just a figure of speech."

"I'm practicin'," Beanie said.

"Practicing what?" asked Hadley. "How to stare holes in a wire cage?"

"No, silly," said Beanie. "Smilin'."

"Beanie, what are you talking about?"

"You told me that I was a grumpy Gus this morning, remember?"

"Well, you came out of the house with a scowl on your face a mile wide. I guess it was reasonable to assume that you got up on the wrong side of the bed."

"I got up on the same side of the bed I always do, Hadley," Beanie said. "I didn't want to tell you."

"Tell me what?" she asked.

"I dunno, Hadley," Beanie said. "I didn't want to tell you I'd flubbed up."

"What are you talking about, Bean?" asked Hadley. "Did you blow up the washer at the Laundromat?"

"Naw," Beanie said. "Nuthin' like that."

Beanie stood up. He really did look uncomfortable, Hadley thought.

"What is it?" she asked. "I'm starting to break out in hives from the anticipation, Bean."

"Hot water," Beanie said.

"Okay. You're in hot water. Why?" Hadley asked.

"No," Beanie said. "Well, yes and no. See, I guess you could say I'm in hot water because I forgot to push the right button."

"And," Hadley said.

"You remember how you told me I needed to organize my wash. Get it in these little piles. Lights and darks and all that."

"Yes."

"Well, I did just that, Hadley," Beanie said. "I got all my skivvies and washed them all in one load. I even went into the men's room and took off the pair I was wearing. I didn't come out of there naked, though. I ain't stupid. I had my jeans on, just no skivvies under them. Anyway, like I said, I put them all in the machine and let 'er rip.

I forgot to push the cold button. So I'm in deep hot water, Hadley.

Somebody before me must have been washin' a really dirty load. That water musta been boilin' hot. My skivvies shrunk so much, they'd fit a baby.

I didn't get up on the wrong side of the bed, Hadley. I just ain't myself in this pair of baby drawers. They pinch 'n' hurt somethin' terrible. I can hardly walk.

I was squatted down in front of this possum cage. I heard them rip. I'm real glad they did. It seems to relieve me some. But I was practicing my smilin' with this possum so you wouldn't be mad at me."

"Beanie," Hadley said, "Come on. We'll finish up here, and I'll drive you over to the store to buy you a whole new box set of skivvies."

"But what about Maury?" Beanie asked.

"She catching a ride home with Ruth," said Hadley.

Hadley," Beanie said, "are you sure about this? Skivvies ain't cheap. They're gonna cost over $20! That's a lot of dough."

"Don't you have a birthday coming up," Hadley asked.

"Well, sure," said Beanie. "It comes up about once't a year."

"Happy birthday," Hadley said.

"But I just had it last month," said Beanie.

"Happy next birthday," said Hadley.

"Really?" said Beanie.

"Really," said Hadley. "There's no way I'm gonna stand around and watch you limp and grimace for another 11 months. The dough I spend today goes a long way to making you happy, Bean. Eleven months of happy into over $20 is just pocket change."

"If you say so, Hadley," said Beanie.

"I say so."