ᴀɴꜱᴡᴇʀ » Woosan

Chapter 20 ○ Sleep

𝔹𝕒𝕔𝕜𝕘𝕣𝕠𝕦𝕟𝕕 𝕄𝕦𝕤𝕚𝕔: WDIG

𝕊𝕖𝕠𝕟𝕘𝕙𝕨𝕒

It's been a couple of weeks since we've moved in the new dormitory all together. Adapting has been a little strange at first, then it has felt more natural than I initially thought it would be. Hongjoong is a little fairy of chaos and I have to put up with his madness in the room, but I don't mind that in the end. He's a good roommate and he works hard for the group. I think he should be the leader and I will bring this up in the next days.

The old gym is, I mean, very old - we're still cleaning it up to make it usable. It was full of shards of glass from the mirrors on the wall, dirt, dust and old gym furniture we do not need, but we're almost done. In some days we will have our private gym and we will be able to train and dance outside of KQ to step up our game.

Wooyoung and San are definitely dating, although they try to act casual in front of everybody, but they can't stay away from each other for dear God. If they're not hugging, they're picking on one another, if they're not holding hands, they're sharing such intense stares I want to puke. They are actually kinda cute. Everyone can see their bond is strengthening day by day, possibly except for them, who refuse to define their relationship and still call themselves just friends. I'm not pushing further, whatever they want is fine by me.

I appreciate the fact they're not sharing a room together, though. They would have lived in a bubble of their own and basically ignored everybody else in the group if they had. This way, they can still be as clingy as they like but also have a social life with the other 6 people in the dorm without excluding anyone. They made a good choice. Mature enough to do so, maknae or not. Speaking of age, I'm the eldest here, so I want to serve as an example. I'm doing my best to be one, caring about the others, always cleaning after myself -and everybody else, if I'm honest- and keeping my mood up. Never letting anger overcome my better judgement. Well, almost never, anyway. I hope the effort shows.

"What are you up to, Hongjoong?"

"I'm working on a song. For us! Our first song. We could bring it to KQ with a choreo and officially present our group this way. Aren't you thrilled?"

"Of course I am! Have you thought of a title?"

"From."

"From what?"

"Just From. From here, From our hearts, From the start. From anywhere. From."

"Uh, okay. I like it. But you work too hard, it's almost 10 PM. Have you even eaten?"

"I don't think so."

"Let me cook you something then. Thank you for all that you do."

He flashes a smile and puts the earphones back, too absorbed in the music to think about anything else.

***

𝕊𝕒𝕟

It's kind of late, but I can't sleep yet. Mingi is reading a manga and I'm bored on my bed, playing stupid games on my phone. I quickly get tired of that. I hug Shiber and I venture into my train of thoughts, looking into sweet nothing.

Moving to Seoul has been hard for me. My parents always move around, so I don't see them often, but my grandparents have raised me and leaving them broke my heart. They are old, I don't know for how much they will stick around, and here I am, living my life far from them, fearing to receive the one phone call I dread the most. I wish I had more time to go on strolls with them, I wish I had gone more often in the past. But I can't do much about that now.

My past has been haunting me as of late. My guard has been dangerously down with Wooyoung, and I'm wondering if that's what my heart needs. I've been hurt in the past. Badly. I've been the little perfect boyfriend to a girl, Yeon-jin, who thought that using me and then discarding me like dirty laundry was no big deal. But I had fallen hard for her. Call it my first love. We were high school sweethearts, although she was a year older than me. When Yeon-jin left for college, she just told me she wanted to live her life fully and meet an older guy where she was going, and she no longer needed me at her side. Yeon-jin broke my heart. That's where I started acting like a fuckboy, right after that. I decided I only wanted to fuck around and have fun, no strings attached, and so I did. Until Wooyoung came.

I thought I could live him like the others. A fling, an adventure, but he was and is much more than that. I need his presence, the contact of his skin, his eyes, his laughter. I need his friendship before I need his body. We haven't talked about all this, ever. We just live it. We might have to, though. Being in this nameless limbo is stressing, sometimes. Like tonight. I might fall asleep, now that I'm cuddling to Shiber, but I'll be thinking about you, Wooyoung, because I'm like that. You're in my thoughts and I can't shake this, nor I want to, because the thought of you is bittersweet, but always leaves a smile on my face.

And that's how I fall asleep: smiling.

***

Author's note: less conversations and more thoughts in this chapter, because it was needed to explain the characters better. I love putting real life lore into it, I hope you can spot all the bits I insert.

Also, internet broke yesterday when the announcement of Ateez being added to Waterbomb in Tokyo was released. I know I'm not ready for wet and half naked Ateez, Lord forgive my dirty mind I am going to Hell. lol. I swear if they're doing Cyberpunk and/or Deja vu the world is going to p a n i c. Just a warning.