Two training idols meeting for the first time. A friendship blooming against adversity.
The birth of WooSan.
***
"And then, you will go home and you will think of daddy, will you?"
The following weeks, Hongjoong and Mingi finished the two new songs, and we recorded them at the studio in the academy. We now have three, titled From, Pirate King and Treasure. We are currently working on the choreographies and the way I see it, they are going to be a blast. KQ is going to love it. There is just one teeny tiny thing I'm worried about. Me. My stage fright. I've been fighting with it since I could walk. I'm sure it will be okay, since I won't be alone, but with the guys. Still, I will only be relaxed once I see that with my own eyes. We decided we are going to bring these performances in a week. We have 7 days to get solid. It will be enough.
San is working real hard, with renewed enthusiasm, since we decided to be together. He's been over the moon and extra caring, both with me and the others. I adore seeing him so glowing, it brings out the best in him. Maybe I am good for him. Maybe I'm not that bad a person. Complicated, yes, but not bad.
"Sani? Can I talk to you for a second?"
"Sure. Is everything okay?"
"I think so. I'm a bit worried about performing for KQ next week. I haven't told anybody yet, but I have stage fright. What if it happens then? I will ruin it for everyone."
"It won't happen, Woo. It will be okay. But even if it will, it won't matter. It's not like you can control it anyway. And then, we will work on it somehow. We can do anything."
"I hope you're right. I've been such a failure all my life. I don't want to drag you guys down."
"You're not a failure, don't ever say that. Come here, let me give you a big hug."
He embraces me sweetly and kisses me on the head, caressing my hair. I feel safe here, but safe is different from confident. I'm scared.
***
A week has passed way too quickly. We're heading to KQ and we're all quite nervous: they will judge our composing and performing skills today, deciding if we can step forward towards our dream. It's a big day for us. We arrive at the building and enter the big audition room. Four people are waiting for us, already seated.
"Good morning, everyone. We are Ateez. We want to present you our first three original songs and choreographies today." says Hongjoong.
"Please, do commence."
We step into formation and I feel a knot inside me. My stomach goes upside down and my head spins. Suddenly, my whole body feels stiff and I cannot move. The music starts, the guys begin to dance, but I don't. I am a statue, and I start sweating.
"Wooyoung! What are you doing!" Yeosang gives me a jab, but I barely feel it. I start hyperventilating. I'm frozen.
"Woo, look at me. Look at me, baby! You can do it!" San tries to encourage me, but I can't even move my eyes. I stare at the floor, helpless. The seconds pass, and I still am in the same spot.
"What's happening? Can you please explain? Stop the music." the teacher barks.
Hongjoong complies, not quiet understanding himself, then goes at the front with his head down.
"We are sorry, sunbaenim. We need more practice. We didn't want to waste your time. We will do better next time."
"You better. There won't be a third occasion. Second strike and you're out. You can go now."
This is it. I'm the failure, the ruin of this group. I may become the cause Ateez doesn't become an idol group, next time we try. They would be better off without me, it's clear. 7 is a good number for a team. I should just give up. I run out of the room, Hongjoong and San behind me.
"Wooyoung, where are you going? What just happened?"
"Please, leave me alone. I need to be alone. I screwed up big time."
"Woo, baby, please, slow down. Let's talk about this."
"I said, leave me alone! Who are you to ignore what I just asked you to do? You're not special, you know?"
"Wow. That hurt. I'm not special? I thought being your boyfriend did make me special."
"Yeah, maybe we should rethink that. I should rethink many things, today. Now, leave me alone and let me go."
I walk towards the door, making sure no one is following me, then I exit the building and call my older brother.
"Dongyoung? I need a favour."
"Hey, little brother. Tell me, anything you need."
"Can I stay at your place for a couple of weeks? Until I figure something out."
"Oh. I thought you were living with your friends? What happened?"
"Yeah, that's not working out so well at the moment. I need a little break."
"No problem. You're welcome for as long as you like. See you later."
I'm sorry, guys. I'm sorry, San. I'm sorry, Wooyoung. I really thought I could win against myself this time. It looks like I cannot do it, no matter how much I want it and how much I love what I do and who I do it with. This serves me as a lesson, maybe as a wake up call.
Wake up, Jung Wooyoung. This is not the life for you.
***
Author's note: shorter but more intense chapter today. I had this in mind since yesterday but oh man, did I hate writing it. My poor boy.
I envy the ones streaming or going to the concerts in Seoul today and tomorrow! I'm missing Ateez like crazy and the memories from the Brussels concert have been haunting me these days. I want to go back in time! I hope they will have a break, and then another world tour because I need to see them live again. Music is good for the soul ❤
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