𝐋𝐨𝐯𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐀𝐝𝐨𝐧𝐢𝐬 | 18+

𝐒𝐈𝐗𝐓𝐄𝐄𝐍

𝐒𝐀𝐍 𝐃𝐈𝐄𝐆𝐎,𝐂𝐀𝐋𝐈.

" Good morning Baby,"

I stir in my sleep, blinking my eyes rapidly. I smile softly at Adonis, traveling my fingertips against his bare chest. " Good morning, how did you sleep?"

Adonis cuddles my head in his arms, his strong muscles laying down on my chest. He plays with the necklace around my neck, sighing. " Not the best.. I kept waking up every hour."

I glance up at him, frowning. " Have you been up this entire time?"

He nods, " Yeah, pretty much."

I look back down, hesitant. I didn't know if I should bring up what happened last night, or how he kept repeating a name in his sleep. He notices how quite I am, and he spoke. " What's wrong?"

I shook my head, intertwining our fingers. " Nothing's wrong, It's just that..." I trailed off. What if he wasn't ready to talk about it? I know he said that tomorrow he would open up, but maybe he isn't fully ready.

I inhale a breath, " You kept saying someone's name in your sleep... Salim?"

He stiffened. I bite the inside of my cheek, " Listen I- I know you said that we would talk about what happened today, but if you don't feel comfortable with it then-"

" No, No.. It's okay." He cuts off, pecking my cheek reassuringly. " I have to talk about it, and I want you to understand what happened." He added.

Before I respond, he removes himself from my body and walks over to the closet. I sat up against the headboard, watching him curiously. He grabs a worn down shoebox from the top of the racks of clothes, holding it in his palms. His eyes still on the box, he opens the lid and sets down on the edge of the bed.

I move close to him, moving my hair out of my face. " What's this?"

" some old photos from I was in the marines." He replied, picking up one of the photographs. He hands it to me, the morning sun reflecting off the image. 

He was wearing all black tactical gear with his gun in hand. Two other men stood beside him with beaming grind, but Adonis didn't smile. Instead, he wore a serious demeanor on his sleeve.

He points to the two men, smiling softly. " Those are my brothers, Chadwick and Brandon. We were deployed in Iraq," 

I glance at the other picture that catches my eye. " What about that one?"

His smile slowly fades, picking up the picture slowly. " This ... This is Salim."

He hands me the photo, setting it down on my lap. I pick it up gently, as if it was the most delicate piece of glass. Salim wore a bright smile, the bright sun glowing from behind him and casting a shade on his dark skin. His shoes were covered in mud, the sleeves of his red shirt torn off and showing his lean figure. He couldn't have been older than fifteen or sixteen years old, the rifle hanging from his shoulder with a machete in his right hand.

" This was in twenty-eleven, and there was a civil war happening in South Sudan. We were deployed there, and our mission was to aid and protect civilians from the terrorist group that was killing women and children.  I got separated from my team and was walkin' around the forest alone, that's when Salim found me. He had his machete pointed at me, but he didn't try to kill me. He asked me why i was an American like me in the forest, and I told him I got separated from the rest of my group."

" He said he could help me out of the forest, but he made me promise that I wouldn't tell anyone that he helped me. I asked him why, but he didn't answer my question. When I got out the forest and found my crew again, he disappeared. It was like he was there one minute and then gone the next. Chadwick, Brandon, and I were patrolling the perimeter together when we heard screams from a village just a few miles away."

" Mhmm." I hummed, rubbing his back reassuringly. He runs a hand over his face, " I shouldn't have gone over there, Siah. If I just stayed put, my brother's would still be here. They'd be alive. Their blood wouldn't be on my hands. And now I gotta' live with that fuckin' guilt forever."

" It's not your fault, D. You can't blame yourself for what happened," I whispered, caressing the side of his face. He turns to me, his eye glossy. " It is my fault. And when we got to that village, guess who was there. Just guess."

I lick my lips, looking down. He takes that as my response.

" Yeah. Salim was there. He was apart of the terrorist group, and I didn't even know. I fuckin led my brothers into a trap and was the only one to come out alive. Salim was standing there with his rifle pointed at the dead bodies. Dead bodies of women, children, and my brothers. T-They were piled up one by one. And I lost it, Siah. I fucking lost it. I shot Salim, and I didn't stop until I had no more ammo. He was just a kid, dawg. I shouldn't have done that to him." He trembled, chuckling bitterly as he forcefully wiped his tears away.

I cup his face in my hands, pulling him in closely. " Adonis, you have to let it go. Let go of the guilt, Let go of the pain, let go of it all. You've harbored so much of this pain inside of you and it's hurting you from the inside out. You can't heal unless you forgive yourself, baby."

A sob leaves his lips, " I-It hurts, Siah."

I wrap my arms around him, cradling his head in the crook of my neck. I kiss the side of temples, " Let it out, D. Let it all out,"

He holds onto me tightly, breaking down completely. I rock is back and forth, rubbing his back soothingly. " I'm right here, I'm not going anywhere."

Adonis cried harder, his body going completely limp in my arms. I feel my eyes begin to water, but I blink them away. Now I understood why he felt so guilty; why Cassidi bringing up Salim caused him emotional distress.

I sniffled, holding onto him harder. " You are so strong, Adonis. Truly,"

He shook his head in protest, " N-No,"

I pull his head away from my neck, wiping away his tears with my thumbs. " Yes you are D. Y-You have carried so much of this baggage on your shoulders, and even with all this weight, you pour yourself out to the people you love. You are strong, Zaheem. Don't ever forget that,"

" I-I'm strong," he repeats, his shoulders trembling. I smile through my tears, " Yes, you are."

He wiped his face, then pecked my lips softly. " Thank you for listening,"

I kiss him back, resting my forehead on his. " Thank you for telling me."