The Bond Between Us

His Turn

 It had been a year now since you and Obi-Wan reunited and were married on Alderaan. A year of the two of you building a life together on Tatooine. The two of you had a finished home now, were dealing with the fact that you would never be able to bare children, and recovering from the damage down to you both with your years apart. At least, that's what you believed.

Obi-Wan would spend his day earning money from odd jobs and training with Qui-Gon. He would then come home for dinner and to follow through with his promise to never allow you to sleep alone. Unbeknownst to you, Obi-Wan wouldn't sleep until you fell asleep. He was too scared that you would disappear if he closed his eyes. That reuniting with you was one long dream that he would soon wake up from. So, if he fell asleep, it was long after you were out.

When he did end up falling asleep, Obi-Wan often was plagued with the feeling of loneliness, sadness, and guilt that he lived with after you left him on Bail's ship eleven years ago. It frustrated him greatly as he no longer felt that way since you returned to his side. He believed that he shouldn't be feeling these things or be haunted by them anymore. You were with him now, your bond had healed, and he should be fine again. He hated that he wasn't.

Tonight was one of those nights that his mind was racing and wouldn't allow him to sleep. Obi-Wan looked down at you, nestled into him. He kissed your head before carefully pulling himself away from you and out of bed. He quietly left the room and headed into the kitchen so that he wouldn't wake you.

With a sigh, Obi-Wan sunk into one of the chairs at the kitchen table. His elbows rested on the table while his head found a home in his hands. Without warning, rough, deep sobs rippled through Obi-Wan. He sobbed as quietly as he was able, hating the idea of waking you and causing you to worry.

Once the sobs died down, Obi-Wan cleaned himself up and slipped back into bed with you. Though you were still asleep, your body gravitated back to him and Obi-Wan willingly wrapped you up in his arms. He closed his eyes and allowed himself a brief moment of rest, knowing that it wouldn't be long until you woke and he would need to head out for the day.

This repeated itself every night for months, with you none the wiser. You were starting to sense that something was off with Obi-Wan. He was looking more tired lately which began to worry you. Every time you questioned Obi-Wan about it, he quickly eased your worries.

Tonight was no different. You were laying in bed, watching as Obi-Wan finished getting ready for bed. When he slipped into bed and faced you, your hand came up to carefully trace the lines of his face.

"You know I love you, right?" You whispered. "More than anything." You brushed some of his long locks away from his face.

"Of course," Obi-Wan responded. "And I love you, little star."

"Then why do I feel that you're keeping something from me?"

Obi-Wan placed his hand on top of yours and pushed his fingers through yours. He guided your hand over his lips and placed a kiss on your palm. "I am fine, darling."

"Are you sure?"

"I'm sure." He kissed your palm again before pulling you closer and kissing your lips. "Let's get some rest."

Obi-Wan held you close as you cuddled into him and fell asleep. He wished he could fall asleep as well, but his mind was too busy plaguing him. Once he believed you were fast asleep, Obi-Wan slipped out of bed and headed for his normal spot in the kitchen. His head found its spot in his hands and the sobs wracked him. Tonight, Obi-Wan paid no mind to how loud he was being, too consumed by his emotions.

You heard crying before you really woke up. Your eyes were still closed as you reached out for Obi-Wan. Your arm fell back onto the bed, causing you to finally open your eyes. Obi-Wan wasn't next to you. Sitting up, you looked around and couldn't see him in the room. The crying though was louder now. You slipped out of bed and followed the sound. When you looked around the corner into the kitchen, your heart plummeted.

Obi-Wan had his head buried in his hands and his body was trembling with sobs. Tears pricked your eyes and your dipped into the Force and could feel his emotions. You stepped out from around the corner quietly.

"Obi," you whispered.

Obi-Wan snapped up, clearly embarrassed to have been caught by you. He quickly began wiping the tears from his face.

"Little star, I—" he paused, clearing the emotion in his throat. "I didn't mean to wake you."

"You... you were crying..."

"I'm fine, darling." He stood up. "Let's go back to bed." He moved closer to you, arms out and ready to guide you.

You stepped back. "We're not going to bed until you start being honest with me. What is wrong?"

"Little star—"

"Obi-Wan. What is wrong?"

Obi-Wan sighed, looking away from you and out the window where the moon's light shone in. "I... I can't sleep... I make sure that you're put to bed every night and then I slip into the kitchen and I..." He shook his head, biting his lip slightly as he tried to put his thoughts together. "You leaving me on Bail's ship, wrecked me. At least I could feel you still and knew that you were alive. But then you severed the bond and I... I believed that I could never be happy again. I put my focus on barely surviving and monitoring Luke. I cut myself off from the Force. I allowed myself to drown in the sadness and the guilt... Then... Then I found you. In that horrible little cell, practically dead..."

"I haven't been able to sleep soundly because I fear this is all a dream," Obi-Wan continued. "I am terrified to wake up and find that I never saved you... that you died in that tiny cell and I... And I couldn't hold you one last time... I have this guilt about everything that happened in the Order... during the fall of it all... About Anakin... Padme... You... Though it's in the past, it's still eating me alive... Little star... I can't... I don't..."

"It's alright, it's alright," you cooed, quickly coming up to your husband. You carefully held his face in your hands so that he looked at you. "Everything you are feeling is valid, Obi... I just wished that you would have told me. Keeping this all inside, struggling silently... I thought we weren't doing that to eat other anymore?"

"I'm so sorry." Obi-Wan started getting emotional again.

"Shhh, no apologies necessary." Your thumb rubbed against the edge of his beard along his cheek. "I just wish you had been honest with me sooner."

"We've already had to deal with so much. I didn't want to—"

"Didn't want to what? Burden me? Obi-Wan," you shook your head, "we are married. We are supposed to rely on each other. When you feel like this, please, tell me. Wake me up and let me hold you. You do not have to feel like this alone." You brought his head down and kissed the tip of his nose before kissing his lips lightly. "I want to help you... let me help you."

Obi-Wan couldn't stop the tears from coming as he wrapped his arms around you and pulled you into him. You quickly hugged him back, running one of your hands up and down his back in comfort. He buried his head into your neck as you held onto each other.

Once Obi-Wan hand calmed, you led him back into the bedroom. You got on the bed first before pulling him down to lay on top of you. His head rested above your heart as you hummed and held him. He eventually fell asleep, with you following soon after.

~~~

In the morning, you woke up first. Obi-Wan was still laying on top of you. You smiled to yourself as you combed your fingers through his hair. As you allowed yourself to explore the Force inside of your husband, you could feel that he was more at peace than he had been in a while. Obi-Wan needed to let it all out and you were grateful that he had finally allowed himself to come clean to you.

Obi-Wan hummed as he began to come to. Before he opened his eyes, one of his hands came up and carefully took hold of one of your wrists. He dragged it down to his lips, kissing the tips of your fingers. You let out a light giggle.

"Morning, Obi," you smiled down at him once he finally looked at you.

"Morning, little star," he responded. He started peppering kissing up your arm that was easily reachable. "Thank you."

You didn't need to question what he was talking about. "It's what wives are for."