From Vows to Forever

𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝟐𝟎: 𝐖𝐨𝐫𝐬𝐭 𝐃𝐚𝐮𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐞𝐫

"In your eyes, I find solace,
Our hearts dance entwined as one.
Together, we paint love's portrait,
A timeless bond forever spun."

"YOU SHUT THE HELL UP! Are you ever grateful? All you do is talk back. I TOOK YOU TO THIS TRIP, AND I GOT NO THANKS, DAD, OR ANYTHING. But all you did was talk back to me and insult me, you idiot. GET LOST. I don't want to see your face." Dad shouts at me in pure anger, and all I can do is stare at him in surprise.

"But—" I try to say, but he cuts me off. "I TOLD YOU I DON'T WANT YOU TO EAT A DONUT, BUT YOU HAVE TO GO DO COMPLETELY THE OPPOSITE OF WHAT I SAY. I HAVE TOLD YOU, EVEN IF YOU EAT ONCE A YEAR, I DON'T WANT YOU TO EAT ANY KIND OF SUGAR BECAUSE YOU DO ZERO EXERCISE." I just want to burst into tears. It hurts me that my dad can't love me for who I am.

"I'm sorry-" "YOU ARE SORRY NOW, I THOUGHT YOU WANT TO TALK BACK SOME MORE, WHATEVER I DO, YOU WILL NEVER BE GRATEFUL, ALL YOU WILL DO IS INSULT ME FRONT OF EVERYONE, THAT'S HOW MUCH RESPECT I HAVE NOW IN THIS HOUSE, RIGHT? You know what just got lost? I don't want to see your ugly face."

I wanted to say something—just anything—but I knew it would make it 100 times worse. How did I insult him? He was the one who kept screaming at me the whole trip, insulting me in front of the whole family, and all I did was try to justify my actions, but apparently I was talking back, which hurt his ego.

I walked out of his room, crying, and ran to my washroom, taking out the blade from my hiding place. I sat on the floor of the bathroom and cut my thigh. I made 4 cuts before I realised how deep they were and put the blade back into the hiding place. And wrap some tissue around my palm and place it on my thigh to stop the blood. And started thinking while crying my heart out.

I know I'm the worst possible daughter one could have; I'm ugly, dumb, embarrassing, and many more things. I hate myself already, dad, and everyone else's hate makes it deeper. His words hurt more than when he used to hit me. I wish to be like Tisha (a close family friend, same class as her), smart and beautiful, making her parents proud by just being alive.

I strive to be like her; all my friends around me are smart and beautiful, and I feel so odd that I isolate myself. I hate myself so much that I don't even want to live anymore. I try to kill myself, but there is always something stopping me.

But I don't want to live; it hurts me so much. Just living hurts me physically and emotionally. But I hold onto the hope that it's just one more year, and hopefully I will get admission into that university in Singapore and have a whole new start to my life.

I feel someone shaking me. "WAKE UP, NYESAA. WAKE UP, PLEASE." I slowly open my eyes to see, in deep brown eyes, the same warm eyes I saw last time, when we were travelling. "Are you ok?" He asks, and he has concerning eyes and looks at me with the most heartwarming expression.

I touch my face and feel tears. I looked around and saw that we were back on his private plane. Then I look down again and see that I'm on his lap, and I immediately get off it, look around to find my tote bag, take out my MacBook, and sit as far away as I can from him. Knowing he will question me, I try to ignore him as best I can.

I was so engrossed in working on my art portfolio that I had to submit while applying to that university that I didn't notice when he came and sat beside me. I looked up to see that he had his Macbook with him as well. As soon as he was settled into the seat, he put his hand on top of my hand and started rubbing it in a comforting way.

He knew I wouldn't open up so easily, so he decided to comfort me, which wasn't out of pity; it was out of concern. And somehow this small action took me by surprise, as I found so much comfort in it that I just wanted to hug him and tell him everything. Just open the dam of emotions I have been holding within me since I was 10.

"I don't hate you; in fact, I love you so much that it hurts my heart that you don't love me back. I don't know how or when, but you made me fall so deeply in love with you. All I want is for you to love me as much as I love you. I want you to let me love you and to let me show you just how much I can love you. I don't know what you've gone through, but I want to help you through it. I want to fulfil all your dreams and goals. I want to make you love yourself. So please, please, I beg of you to let me love you; let me make you love yourself and make you fall in love with me," he said in one breath in such a vulnerable voice that it made tears come to my eyes.

It was so out of the blue that I just started bawling, sitting on my seat, a bundle of emotions hitting me all at once—surprise, sadness, happiness, and so many more—and I wanted to hug him so bad.

"Give me a chance. I promise, I promise, I will give you the world. I will show you who you are—the person that I love. I know you might think you're very hard to love. But you made me fall in love with you so effortlessly that I didn't even know when I fell for you. But all I know is that I fell in love the first time I saw you." In between, he placed me on his lap while I sobbed like a 2-year-old.