From Vows to Forever

𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝟐𝟏: 𝐑𝐞𝐝 𝐂𝐡𝐞𝐞𝐤𝐬 & 𝐇𝐢𝐜𝐜𝐮𝐩𝐬

"In the depths of sorrow's embrace,
I bear the weight of love's demise.
Yet, within this shattered space,
I cherish memories, tears in my eyes.
For even as pain tears me apart,
I hold onto the love in my heart."

I don't know what made me open up about my love for her. But as she cried in her sleep, whispering again and again to herself, 'I hate myself," It broke my heart into a million pieces. I knew she was hurting, but I didn't know she was hurting to the point where she hated herself.

Seeing her hate herself to the point that even in her dreams she is saying it to herself made me more determined to make her love herself first, then make her love me. She is going through something; I don't pity her, and I will never pity her. I want to help her get past it and focus on the now. And shower her with so much love that she forgets everything.

As soon as I finished with what I wanted to say to her since yesterday, when I realised I fell in love with this cutie when I saw her for the first time, I wanted her to read the letter and find out about it; it seems like my heart couldn't keep it within itself. I am a very open person; I don't like secrets. It was already difficult for me not to see or talk to her when all that was on my mind was her.

I love her so much that all I think about is her. What she is doing, what she was doing when I was not with her, if she is okay, if she needs me—she owns me, mind and soul, and now she knows it. I'm open about my feelings; I'm not like those guys who have an ego so big that they don't want to be the first one to confess in a relationship, but I am so head over heels over her that I don't mind being the first one to confess.

She is sobbing in my arms, and I hug her tight to myself, feeling my eyes moist. After a minute, when her crying has stopped and she is hiccuping, I make her look up at me in the eyes and smile at her. She is looking like the cutest little baby, with tear-red chubby stained cheeks, a flowing nose, and hiccups. I kissed her nose. Before she finally speaks up.

"I don't know if I can love you back; please don't risk your heart with me; I am not worth it. Please, I beg you; I don't want to be loved. You can be my friend if you like, but please don't love me. I am not a loveable person; in fact, you should hate me. You had to marry an ugly and dumb girl who couldn't even achieve her goals. Please, I beg you!" She cries, fisting the shirt on my chest. I rub her head, trying to calm her.

"My Jaan, listen, and listen with open ears. I don't care if you don't love me back. But you will not hate yourself; if a person as harsh as me can love you, trust me, anyone can, and if you have never been shown love, then you have been with the wrong people. And I didn't have to do anything; I chose to marry you because I fell in love with you the moment I saw you and heard your first words. I knew you would be the only person I would ever love. You're the most beautiful and smartest in my eyes, and I don't care what you think about yourself or what others think." I hugged her so tightly, slightly afraid to hurt her.

"About your goals and achievements, I would have still married you if you were a 10th failure. So it doesn't matter where you stand in your career. And if your dreams are still alive, I would love to fulfil them if you allow me to. I would move worlds for you, Meri. Jaan, I love you that much. All I ask you is to give me a chance; I promise I will never ever break your heart and give you so much love you wouldn't need love from anyone else." I kiss her forehead, and she looks up at me with her doe eyes, hiccuping.

I make her drink a cup of water before she speaks again. "Ayaan, I know that you are worth it—worth risking my broken heart on. But people have broken my heart so much that I don't think you can mend it enough for me to love you. I would love to give you a chance, but I don't know if I deser-" I put a finger on her soft lips and glared at her, daring her to finish that sentence.

"Don't you worry about your heart; just give me a small chance; give me this one month, and if you think I'm not worth the efforts, you can leave me, and I will not try again." I say I am looking at her with hopeful eyes, seeing her in a thinking state. "Ok, but I don't know if I can step directly into the boyfriend phase; I don't have the emotional capacity for that." She said, looking at her lap as she plays with her fingers, thinking I would say no, but if only she knew.

I held her hands to stop them from fidgeting and intertwined our hands before saying, "Ok then, let's start as friends, and we can see how it goes from there, ok?" I say it, grinning at her, finally breaking and agreeing to give me a chance.

I can bet it will not take more than a week for us to go from the friend zone to the boyfriend zone. I will make her love herself. My mom once said to me "The heart knows when the search is over". And the funny thing is, I never searched for the person I wanted to spend my life with. But now life has given me someone without whom my heart will die.