No Control

Chapter 25:

Alexa's POV:

"Give her a second," a voice whispered.

"I am, will you just shut up?" Another one shot back. They began bickering quietly until a separate, deep voice spoke.

"There goes her eyes opening. Miss Benson?"

My eyelids groggily lifted and the room was blurry and foggy. There stood, Luke and Ashton staring down at me and Dr. Styles with his nurse in pink scrubs scribbling down on his clipboard.

My neck. My neck was restrained. My hands flew to it grasping this hard thing and I tried pulling. The nurse quickly, took my hands away and begged me to stop.

"Alexa? It's Dr. Styles, how are you feeling, sweetie?" He asked pressing two fingers at my eyelids and shinning a light in both. I stared blankly at him and he handed the clipboard to the woman. She had a high blonde ponytail practically at the top of her head.

"Can you squeeze my hand?" He asked putting his hand underneath mine and I did as he said, weakly. The blonde nurse murmured to herself and continued to write down things. Her name tag read, Perrie.

My words gargled together as I tried to speak and Dr. Styles hushed me.

"It's alright, you don't have to talk now, it's good to know you're awake."

Luke and Ashton rushed to my side and Ashton took my hand, rubbing in small circles.

"Thank God you're okay, man," Ashton whispered, stroking my cheek. Even Luke was worried. My eyebrows furrowed as if asking what happened and Dr Styles caught on.

" You're in the hospital, darling, something happened at home, huh?" He urged and I tried, nodding.

"Your neck feel okay?" He questioned, taking my hand in his and I squeezed, rhythmically.

"Throbbing? Blink twice for no, once for yes."

I blinked once.

"How do you do that?" Luke inquired,amazed.

"Dr. Styles always has a way with patients," The nurse answered cheerfully, and my hands went to my neck again.

"We'll get it off soon, okay?" Dr. Styles sighed, putting my hands to my lap, again. My speech was slightly slurred, but understandable.

"W-where Calum?"

Ashton bit his lip and Luke's eyes flew to mine.

"He's on trial right now,"

My eyes widened.

"How long I been out?"

" 2 weeks," Ashton answered and tears came to my eyes, falling down my cheeks.

"L-L?"

"He came by a couple times, but he didn't come today."

I couldn't help the water dribbling everywhere and Dr Styles dabbed my cheeks with a handkerchief.

"I'm gonna let you try and eat a little, before we take this thing off, okay?" He suggested and Perrie flew out of the room. The television in the top corner of the room was set to the news and crazy headlines were coming up.

Calum Hood, currently on trial for Hugh Lancaster

My eyes bulged and I turned to face all of them. Ashton quickly shut it off and Luke tried claiming me down.

"Let's worry about you, alright?" He soothed as the nurse returned. She carried a green tray in her hands with applesauce and a red spoon. She opened the tinfoil top and dipped the spoon in.

"Open up."

I swallowed, slightly pained, but I continued until it was all gone. The whole, process took forever and Luke had left to the cafeteria for some snacks.

" Miss Benson? We're gonna take this brace off, alright? Just stay calm," Dr Styles pleaded and I felt his and the nurse's gently against my neck. I heard the ripping of Velcro and my neck felt sweaty after they pulled it off. I ran my fingers over it and Ashton's eyes widened.

"Alexa..."

"I wanna see myself," I ordered, as my voice regained. The nurse handed Dr Styles a small barber shop mirror off a cart and he handed it to me. I held it up to look at myself and felt immediate disgust.

My hair was in a tight bun in the back and I had no make up on. My face looked gray and my eyes could only be explained by looking tired. Tired of everything. There was a fading dark brown ring around my neck and I touched it, softly. Bumpy

"I grabbed some- Jesus," Luke gasped, walking back into the room and Ashton quickly shushed him. I felt different. I didn't feel like my self. I didn't see Alexa staring at me, I just saw this emptiness. This emptiness, this void, that was never to be filled. I didn't have any light about me. I was just a ghost. I felt my face, and it was soft. Like silk. My sense of touch was so odd to me.

"Can you all leave the room for a minute, I'd like to speak with her, privately," Dr Styles requested and the nurse shepherded the boys out of the room. When we were alone, he spoke.

"Alexa, listen, I can tell you've been through a lot and I'd like to help."

He picked up some papers off the cart beside him.

"These are some support group pamphlets that I'd like you to attend. It doesn't cost anything and it's only Tuesday and Thursday from 4 to 6."

He handed the, to me and I stared at the cover. The cover was a guy in a wheel chair, smiling, a blonde woman with a black eye smiling, a black guy with dark circles under his eyes, smiling and a woman with glasses talking to them and of course, smiling.

They were all smiling. Why were they smiling? How could they smile? They were just in traumatic situations and they could smile? I envied them in a sense. I wanted to smile. I just felt dead inside. Like I was just blowing in the wind. All my senses were heightened and everything bothered me. My breathe was shallow and my nose could smell Dr. Styles' heavenly mint scent. Even the air conditioning felt too cold.

"No," I said gruffly, shoving the pamphlets back at him and he placed them beside my thigh.

"I'll let you keep them."

"When am I leaving?"

He paused.

"I'm not sure. The press is just begging to speak with you and I don't think it's a good time, in your state to go out there."

"My state? My state? I have no state! You treat me like I am some boxer ready to bite anything that nears me. You think I'm a psychopath or something, don't you! Like I'll just break down, and kill someone. I'm not crazy! I'm not crazy!" I babbled and he hugged me.

"You're alright, yeah?"

I sobbed into his white coat, digging my fingers into his back. He had some kind of warmth with him. He just felt like a personal heater to me. It was wonderful. He pulled away after a few minutes and shoved his hands into his coat.

"I'll be back as soon as I can, alright?" He assured and I nodded, playing with my fingers, nervously. Luke and Ashton came back into the room, bickering before I could turn the TV back on.

My mind stirred about Calum. I could remember most of what happened just not what happened after I blacked out, naturally. I could just remember feeling fierceness, radiating from Calum when Hugh grabbed me. The way he slammed his fists down. I could tell he was crushing every moment Hugh fucked him over with. I was proud.

But I still was drowned out in myself.

Where was Liam during all of this?

Finally done! Ugh, that took forever! Well, let's get ready for what new in store! Thank you for everything and your patience over all!

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