No Control

Chapter 7:

I laid on the bed facing Liam's back staring at him. I felt terrible. I know, I don't deserve him. After all I did, he still said I love you. I knew what he thought I was doing and it made me feel dirty to even go there. Like I was some slut, sneaking out to fuck some guy while my boyfriends asleep. I wasn't like that. I watched his back rise and fall each time his took a breath and the whole process seemed beautiful to me. He was so muscular and I could trace out his bones with my finger if I wanted.

"Liam?" I knew he wasn't asleep. There wasn't any of that light snoring he would do, coming from him tonight.

"Liam, I know your awake."

No answer.

"Liam, please hear me out."

And I began explaining. Start to finish. I didn't leave out anything, even the cop part. I couldn't lie to him. Not after all of this.He stayed facing the wall during the whole time I was talking and I could tell he was listening. After I finished, i outstretched my small hand running my fingers to his back.

"Liam I'm so sorry, I-i got so carried away and-"

He finally turned around facing me. Through the dark, I could see tears streaming down his face. One chasing another. I had seen Liam cry of course, but at small things Marley and Me, and stuff like that, but never at this scale.

He wrapped his arms around my back and pulled my close to him. I cried hard into his chest begging him to forgive me and telling him how sorry I was. He didn't say anything really just hushed me pressing his lips gently, to my forehead.

He held me like that as he fell back asleep and I stayed awake watching him. His nose flaring, his eyelashes fluttering against my forehead, everything was just- beautiful.

About an hour later, my alarm rang waking him up. His squeezed his eyes tighter and opened them blinking around. I quickly shut my eyes to cover I was awake all night and I could feel his lips press against the top of my head. He slightly jiggled me awake and I slowly opened my eyes into his fawn ones. He swung his legs over the side of the bed and headed to the bathroom. He was unreadable. I had no idea if he was pissed, okay, disappointed and it bothered me.

To match my mood, it was raining outside and the streets seemed filled with water. I followed after Liam to the bathroom, and by the time I got there he was already in the shower. I began brushing my teeth and sighed at my hair. Since I took off my head wrap, my hair was mess and I began combing out my hair putting it back in it's pony tail.

"Can you pass me my towel?" Liam asked in the same small voice from yesterday. My heart broke as I passed him his red fluffy towel of the hook it hung from. He would usually have no shame in walking in front of me, but now he seemed so distant. Liam stepped out of the shower with the towel hanging from his waist and I couldn't help, but suck in a breath. He looked gorgeous with his hair wet from the water and the towel barley hanging on to his waist.

He barley looked up, getting ready around me, and heading back to our room to change into his gym clothes. I took a quick shower before grabbing a banana and a granola bar for breakfast.

" I'm catching a ride with Zayn, so you can take the car today," Liam said joining me in the kitchen, and I nodded my head. He grabbed a small yogurt carton from the fridge and pulled a plastic spoon from our red utensils solo cup.

"Liam, are we- okay?" I asked trying to focus on my granola bar. He stood there, awkwardly and just before he could answer a car horn came from outside. He walked over and pecked me on my lips.

"We'll talk later," He promised walking out the door and closing it behind him.

I felt instantly alone in the kitchen not having him here. I missed him so much. He was here, but not here. Liam did all the normal routine stuff- kissing and everything- but it wasn't actually him.