It's okay until it isn't

Drowning

(This chapter contains suicide attmept and thoughts)

Minho's POV:

Remember when I said my heart had been broken too many times to count?

You can add about a million more to that.

The moment Newt took his sweater off, and I saw his scars all along his arms kept replaying in my mind.

It was my fault, it was after our argument.

I know it didn't make sense to take him to the med-jacks, but I didn't know what else to do.

I just didn't.

If I lost Newt. . .

I would lose myself.

He was sitting on the cot, leaning against the wall. Clint came in then.

"Okay, Brenda said he couldn't breathe?"

I nodded. Clint looked at Newt, and I knew he saw the scars. I also knew he was worried about them.

"When did he do. . .those?"

I swallowed against the painful lump that had formed in my throat.

"L-Last night."

Clint nodded, and turned to Newt.

"What does it feel like when you can't breathe?"

Newt was taking deep breaths.

"W-Well, l-like I'm drowning. O-Or sometimes l-like someone's c-choking m-me."

Clint nodded, and turned to me.

"For the breathing, most likely panic or anxiety attacks. It also looks like he has depression, and possibly grief."

I nodded

"W-What can I do to help h-him?"

Clint shook his head and said one of the worst answers I'd ever heard.

"Nothing."

I felt like someone had dropped me down a hole.

I was falling, falling.

I couldn't hear anything.

That was, until Clint's voice broke through.

"Are you okay?"

Am I okay?

No.

No I'm shucking not!

I just shook my head

"Is th-there anything?"

Clint shrugged.

"Well, there isn't any way you can fully cure this. Stay with him, be there for him, and try not to leave him alone for now."

Newt was just sitting there, a hopeless look on his face. That look shattered me.

Well, another time my heart has been broken.

Great.

I moved to Newt, and spoke in a low voice

"Want to go home?"

Home.

Newt slowly nodded and I helped him stand up. We exited the hut, and Thomas and Brenda were waiting outside. They stayed silent, but their expressions asked a million and one questions.

I just nodded, and faked a smile.

Would I ever truly be happy again?

We were more than half way back already.