It's okay until it isn't

The Note

I hurriedly pulled it out of my pocket.

I saw he had underlined certain things before I even started reading.

I started reading the hurriedly scrawled handwriting by the golden light.

Minho,

Love.

Thank you. So much.

I know what you're thinking. That you ended my life.

But you saved it Minho. You bloody saved it.

I couldn't live Minho. I couldn't. The only part of life I love is when I'm with you.

I'm sorry we didn't get our happily ever after. I'm sorry you didn't get your happiness ever after.

Even so, I hope you can find some happiness.

I don't have much time before I won't be able to take it, so I have to wrap this up.

So, please don't hate yourself too much.

I love you.

So, let's say our bloody goodbyes.

I know it won't take you much longer after reading this to find the message I put in.

I mean, you are one the bloody code-crackers of the maze.

See, I can make codes too.

Until I see you again

Goodbye you adorable, cute, loveable slinthead.

Goodbye.

-Newt

My tears were falling rapidly now, spreading across the paper like small explosions.

I thought it would help to read this.

It made it worse.

The sun had set, and the cool night air surrounded me.

I felt empty.

I remembered back when we were in the maze.

I had cracked the code with the other runners, and hadn't told Newt about it.

Now he had made his own code.

It wasn't hard.

Just the underlined words in order.

I

Love

You

So

So

So

Much

I love you

So

Much.

I cracked then.

I broke.

I shattered.

Was this how Newt felt in the end?

That nothing he did mattered.

That he was all alone.

That he was numb.

Maybe this spot was close enough like our spot in the glade. .

Maybe he would be with me here. . .

My voice was wobbly, as I spoke out into the open night air.

"I love you Newt. So, so, so much."

I didn't know what I was expecting, but when I got no reply, it hurt.

Hurt bad.

I guess I knew I wouldn't get a response but it still hurt.

It was like the cut reopened.

I buried my head in my hands as another sob escaped my body.

All I wanted to do was talk to him.

See him.

I knew no one would answer, but I kept talking.

"Newt, oh Newt. . ."

I looked up at the starry sky.

"I-I just miss you, so so much. . ."

The only response was a cool breeze.

"Each breath almost hurts."

I swallowed down another sob.

"All I want to do is see you again. . ."

The cold air was making my eyes sting.

"I just want to be with you again. . ."

No response.

I leaned my head back against the tree and just let the tears come.

I let the tears fall from my face and onto the leaf strewn ground.

I let the sobs shake my body.

I let the sadness run out of me.

Except when I stopped, the sadness only seemed to have sharpened.

I remembered the leaves.

From the glade.

We agreed if either of us felt like. . . leaving, then we would look at the leaves.

So I decided to look at the leaves.

I pulled them out of my pocket.

But I had two.

Newt was supposed to have one, but he had left.

He had gotten out.

I looked at the two dead leaves. They were brown now, but you could still see the faint charcoal outline of the hearts and our names.

I didn't help.

Seeing the two leaves made me feel more alone than ever.

The two leaves had made their way back to each other, but me and Newt hadn't.

But we could.

The thought bubbled to the surface of my brain.