As The Music Dies

45. Heavy Night

Izuku is frozen still, fighting a rampant heart that feels like it's sinking faster by the minute. There's a sick feeling in his stomach and tears begging to fall.

He's flushed, feeling sheepish and embarrassed because some place in his mind he had assumed the blonde had felt the same about him, but he should have been more cautious with his words because it's now all to painfully obvious that Katsuki is still healing and haunted by past relationship trauma and is not ready to speak the same words that he just let stupidly slip past his lips.

His mind is racing in a million different directions with just as many emotions that are attached to rambling thoughts that are banging around inside his head causing an instant headache.

Katsuki watches closely the male across from him. His chest hurts, hurts with an ache that is just as much fear as pain, fear that in this moment he has lost Izuku. He's saw the lost look that slammed into those gorgeous eyes as soon as he stumbled out words he knows hit a soft heart like a rocket. It hurt, and right now that's so clear he can feel it from where he sits.

The blonde's own mind is desperately trying to figure out the right words to say that doesn't fuck this up any further.

"Deku I...

As soon as he reaches his hand across the table and touches the greenett's, Izuku jumps up like he's been biten by a snake making Katsuki's eyes widen at the sudden move.

Izuku didn't even mean to move so swiftly but at this moment with the way he feels he's afraid the slightest touch from the blonde will break him down completely into a sobbing mess. He begins to pace, arms wrapped around his own torso, fingers clenching the fabric of his white sweatshirt trying to calm the wave of nausea that's churning.

" It's..it's ok Kacchan really.", he stumbles out the lie feeling it sting his own tongue.

Katsuki stands up quickly closing the gap watching his boyfriend back himself to the window and lean against it, almost like he's now terrified to be in the same space.

" It's clearly not ok Deku. Fuck, you think I can't see that? You think I don't know that?! Say something, say anything, yell at me, tell me to fuck right off, but don't stand here and tell me it's ok when we both know it's not.", he says with a heart beating and breaking at rapid speed.

Izuku won't meet his eye, teary emerald orbs planted on the floor and his white socks.

There's a few minutes of silence that Katsuki feels like is taking years as he reluctantly reaches for Izuku's chin, afraid he might recoil from the action, but when he doesn't the blonde slowly lifts his chin with a glint of panic in crimson eyes.

" Izuku, please, please say something."

It's whispered, coming out more of a plea then a request.

Izuku bites his lip, trying to suppress the heavy wave of tears that want to come. He fails only slightly as a tear escapes running down a fair cheek that Katsuki captures with his thumb wiping it away.

The greenett forces a smile, one that only makes tears brim his eyes further as he places his hand over the blonde's that's now holding his cheek.

" I... I don't really know what to say right now. I feel foolish honestly. I .. I should have known you weren't ready. I'm.. I'm sorry.", he says so softly it's barely audible.

The blonde's heart sinks, this went from a fucking amazing few days to one of the worst days he's had in awhile, all because fear of three words has frozen him solid. He shakes his head with a heavy sigh and his own burning eyes.

" You.. you have nothing to be sorry Deku, fuck, absolutely nothing. It's.. it's me who's sorry. I know that hurt, I felt it myself."

Emerald eyes shift down as he nods, those pesky tears escaping rather he wants them to or not.