Always and Forever

Heart to Heart

Regina's POV

My sobs are loud, and Emma holds me even closer to her. She wraps her left arm around my waist and her right hand is holding the back of my head while I cry into her neck. 

"It's going to be okay, Gina, I've got you."

"It won't. I lost him. I lost my true love."

"I made you a promise a long time ago, Gina. I won't quit until we've gotten you your happy ending"

I step back from her and look into her eyes.

"Don't you see, my happy ending is dead. It died with Robin!"

"I know it feels like that now, but that's not true."

"I'm cursed, Emma. I'm cursed to a lifetime of unhappiness. I have to fight every day to be good, when the Evil Queen wants to surface. It's absolutely exhausting. I fight and I fight, and I do good, and where does it get me? I finally got to be happy. I finally had Robin. I had true love, and now he's dead. He's dead and you have Hook. You brought him back from the Underworld and Robin can never come back. For the rest of my life I won't be able to be at peace with myself. I'll never have that happiness. This is my karmic justice for all the terrible and unspeakable things I have done. This will hang over me for the rest of my pathetic existence."

 She pulls me back into her arms, and this time her grip is tighter. I can't move from her hold. I take a deep breath in, and I can smell the vanilla scent she exudes. It helps to calm me a little.

"You have Hook. Snow has Charming. Even Rumple has Belle. Me, I'm all alone."

"You aren't alone, Regina. There's so many of us here who love you and want to help you, you just have to let them in."

"Yeah, like who? Who would want to help me, the Evil Queen."

I pull my head back to look up at her. 

"For starters, me. And you aren't the Evil Queen, Regina. That hasn't been you for a very long time now."

I pull away from her and stare into her eyes. I'm unable to say anything.

"You have me, Gina. You have Henry. You have Snow and David. Ruby and Granny. There's so many more on your side. You haven't allowed us in, but we want to support you."

I manage to whisper a soft "I'm sorry" to her as I wipe my face, grab my glass of Cider and sit back on the couch. I couldn't feel any more embarrassed than I do now for showing such weakness.

"Thank you, Ms. Swan. I will be fine."

"No. I'm not going to allow you to "Ms. Swan" me and put back up all of your walls. Stop it, Regina. Let me be here for you. Pour out all your thoughts and feelings, so we can work on your healing and moving forward."

"That's easy for you to say, while your Pirate is roaming the streets alive and healthy."

"He's not my Pirate, Gina."

I start to feel my heartstrings tug a little when she said this and I don't know why. I can see the sorrow in her emerald green eyes.

"What do you mean?"

"He's not mine, Regina. Am I happy he's alive? Of course, I am. It just hasn't been the same. Lately, I feel different when it comes to him, and not in the way that he would appreciate."

I sit in silence, loss for words.

"It's crazy, right. I'm crazy. I went to hell and back to save him. I put all of our lives, yours included, at risk to save him. Now he's saved, and I just don't know if I love him."

"It's going to be okay, Emma." I grab hold of her hand tightly. "Have you told him how you feel?"

"No. I've just been avoiding him for the last month."

"A whole month?"

"Yeah. I've been busy."

"Busy doing what, if I may ask."

"Well, this is going to sound a bit pathetic, but I've been putting all my energy in trying to get you to open the door everyday. When I'm not knocking on your door, I've been sitting in your vault. Partly hiding out and partly looking for a way to see if I can bring Robin back for you."

I can feel my eyes starting to tear up again. This time I'm pulling her in for a hug and holding on to her like my life depends on it. 

She pulls me down onto the couch, so we're laying down with my head on her chest. There's still tears rolling down my cheeks, but this time it's not for Robin. This time, it's because I can't believe how much she cares for me. She wraps her arms around me, and I drift to sleep with her last words replaying in my head. She's prioritizing my happiness, even above her own.