Always and Forever

Alone Again

Regina's POV:

I walk into my bedroom and sigh feeling weary of always trying to do the right thing. I should have killed the Pirate a long time ago. The best time would have been right after he turned me. over to Greg and Tamara. Instead, I let him be and watched him follow Emma around like a little lost puppy. Not that I knew back then that I was actually in love with her. Yes, there may have been some feelings even back then, but I didn't know how to define it at that time. 

I drag myself into the bathroom and decide to draw a bath. My bones are tired after this long day. Maybe this will help me relax. I slip into the tub after making sure the water was nice and hot, and threw some lavender  bath salts in. Instead of relaxing, I end up going down a dark rabbit hole of thoughts. Maybe he was right, she couldn't be happy with me. Yes, she said she accepted my past and is happy, but could that actually be true? 

How could someone be in love with a person who did so many horrible things. I killed so many people. Some were bad, yes, but a majority of the people that died at my hand were innocent. They were selfish kills because I was miserable and wanted to make the people just as miserable. I could have easily been a good Queen to the people after marrying into royalty. I could have been a great mother to Snow. I could have made life better for the kingdom. I could have used my magic for good. But, it wasn't a thought. I was always selfish. Emma was always selfless. We were the complete opposite. 

This is probably my karma. I am the Evil Queen. My magic is dark. My heart is black. 

I get out of the bath water and drain the tub. I jump into the shower and rinse off. Brush my teeth. Lotion my skin and continue with my nightly routine. I throw on my silk pajamas and slip into bed. I couldn't help the sobs that ripped through me. I lay on Emma's side of the bed missing her warmth and smell. I don't know what to do with myself now. Could they be right? Could she come back to me? I can't break that spell just like that. It has to be True Love's kiss. We can't have True Love's kiss if she isn't in love with me. As of right now, she has no recollection of our relationship, our engagement, or ever being in love with me. She said she loved me from the get go, but to have really fallen in love with me, she had to explore those feelings. Hook will never let her get near me now. 

I hear my door crack open, so I wipe my tears quickly. 

"Gina?"

"Hi Sweety, are you okay?"

"Yes. But, I heard crying. I wanted to come check on you."

"I'm okay, honey. Let's get you back into bed."

I walk him back to his room and he hugs me tight. "I love you, Gina."

"I love you too, Roland. So much."

I help him into bed, pull the covers over him and tuck him in tightly. I run my hands through his soft hair and kiss his forehead.

"We're going to be okay, mommy. Don't cry. We'll take care of you."

My eyes begin to water, and I try to blink them away. "I love you, baby boy. Get some sleep."

I go into the guest bedroom. I don't want to sleep in my bed without Emma there. It's just too much.

The next morning, I didn't have the strength to get out of bed. I hear Henry get up. He'll know I'm not in a position to get up and make breakfast, so I know he'll make something for him and Roland. Instead, I turn over and go back to sleep. 

An hour later, Henry comes into the room. 

"Mom. I made pancakes and coffee. Can you sit up to eat something?"