Dhadkan (Book 1 - Singhania Brothers)

Part 5 : Fears of past

Aryan looked up as Ayaansh knocked at his door. Ayaansh had held himself back from approaching Aryan whole day but he couldn't take it anymore. At last he found himself walking up to Ayaansh's room.

He was just preparing himself to apologise and leave when he felt Aryan hugging him tightly. He was surprised. He had hurt the boy. Why was he hugging him? Shouldn't he be shouting back at him?

Aryan had been waiting for Ayaansh. Both his Bhaiya and Bhaiyu came to him whenever they got angry on him which itself was a very rare occurrence. He was counting on his luck for Ayaansh being the same and his Bhai didn't disappoint him at all.

Aryan had planned on brooding a little more but couldn't resist throwing himself in Ayaansh's arms as soon as he saw him.

Ayaansh held him and unconsciously deepened the hug. He was craving the love Aryan so freely gave.

Aryan smiled. His Bhaiya had been right as always.

Ayaansh pulled back and looked at Aryan. "Tum gussa nhi ho mujhse?"

Aryan shook his head. He wasn't angry at all. He just liked to sulk untill his brothers start pampering him.

Ayaansh frowned. He clearly remembered Aryan ignoring him on the dining table.

"Toh baat kyu nhi Kiya pure din? Aaj toh room me bhi nhi aaye?" He asked.

Aryan smile grew wider. "Aap mujhe miss kar rhe the?"

Ayaansh rolled his eyes but the truth was he had been troubled that Aryan didn't speak to him. He hadn't realised he was missing having Aryan around untill Aryan pointed it out. The realisation filled him with a sense of love and fear at the same time.

He didn't know how could he stay away from Aryan when he was offering him the love so openly and he feared to reciprocate, too scared that if they turned away from him, his fragile heart wouldn't be able survive.
The fear of attachment was too overwhelming for him.

Aryan shook him up.

Ayaansh tried to sound unaffected as he started to apologise. "I'm sorry—"

Aryan stopped him by hugging him again. "It's okay, Bhai. Aapko mujhse sorry bolne ki zarurat nhi hai."

"I shouted at you—"

"You can shout at me, Bhai. Bhai ho aap mere—"

Aryan stopped as Ayaansh pulled away from him and looked away. Ayaansh wasn't ready for that kind of conversation yet. Aryan remembered Arnav's words and left the topic.

"Mai toh yeh keh raha tha aap mujhe daant sakte ho bas baad me aake hug kar lo and I wouldn't be angry." Aryan smiled at him. Ayaansh gulped the lump in his throat. Aryan made it all sound so simple.

"Vaise bhi aapne Jo mujhse kaha mujhe uska bura nhi laga. Aapne Bhaiya se aise baat ki isliye bas—" Aryan looked away sadly.

Ayaansh noticed how Aryan's voice completely changed. The boy wasn't angry on his behalf but he was definitely very upset on his Bhaiya's behalf. Ayaansh understood his feelings and appreciated the love behind him.

Aryan's words only made Ayaansh guiltier of his actions. He had always been a well behaved child both at school and home. His parents' indifferent behaviour towards him made sure of that. The only conversation he could recall with his parents was them punishing him for something he did. His father always wanted perfection and any mistake led to Ayaansh being punished. His mother never stood up in his defense. For a very long time Ayaansh thought this was the way every child was disciplined untill he started noticing other children with their parents around him.