The Knives of My Mind

" The sweet taste of abandon. "

I sat there and watched you. Watched as you tore yourself apart.
I tried to help you, but you physically wouldn't let me and it hurts my heart.
I couldn't help but feel like you wanted to erase everything, wanted to restart.
I knew you, knew your pain, felt it on all levels, the most fragile part of you, your heart; marked.
I knew you didn't have healthy coping mechanisms, you used things to ignore your pain, you'd been shot.

Your pain reminds me of that thing in your chest that you hopelessly devote yourself to listen to.
You're the one who struggles alone, won't accept the love of others; shutting down.
I cannot fathom what it is you're putting your body through.
But it was always the way you played, messed around.

I loved the way you always knew what to say, despite being in pain for so long.
Although you never believed me when I said you'll make it, it was your determination to help your loved ones even though you yourself was struggling, that is what makes you strong.
You always thought you're the one who didn't deserve your friends or me, but you were the one who earned us from the beginning, you always belonged.

I know I'll never be able to see your treterious path that you must walk through, but I'm here for support.
For I know it's you who is important and you're the one with which I report.
I will stay with you as long as you need.
For we would always be with each other is what we agreed. Oh, the sweet taste of abandon.

Once the day comes, I know you'll leave for we were never meant to be.
But I will always be here whenever you need someone, I guarantee.

You left... you actually left. I thought if I showed you how you meant to me, you wouldn't leave. You did. Well, I guess I did constantly love the sweet taste of abandon.