The Knives of My Mind

" The ghostly thought of you. "

As I lay awake, I find myself coming back and the evocation of you makes me heart heavy.
You were the one person who made me feel happy, a parental figure that I never got to see as often as I would've liked.
The moments in which we shared were special, even if my main priorities lay elsewhere.
I loved how I could see you in your brightest moments, your emotions filling the room with such joy.
You somehow knew how to light up a room, make everyone feel welcome, even with as short as time you had.
I would never forget you, you were such a sight to see, such beauty in such an old and withered soul.
We did so many things together, but nowhere near as many as I wanted to do with you.

Your movements, elegant. Your eyes are as captivating as the bright, sunny, blue sky. Yet you stayed so far away from me...
I watched you dance in the sunlight and poise the hallways with passion in the night. Every moment with you is graceful.
I looked at you as you cavorted around with such purpose, your smile full of wonder and delight.
But it was the same person who I loved, that I was looking through. The same person I watched disappear into the night, without a fight.

You were amazing and I loved you. Your voice was the sound and work of angels up above.
You looked absolutely dashing in those alluring white clothes. Everything about you was so dazzling.
You looked as if to be a ghost, a figment of my imagination yet still brought me immense comfort.
Why did you have to bring me so much happiness and then disappear without a trace?
You brought a gleam of brilliance into my life and then evaporated from sight in front of my very eyes.
I thought when I had you, that I finally held contentment in my hands. Clasped it tightly, when I had let it go...

I sometimes find myself relinquishing in the thought of your existence on this earth.
Your untimely death hit me so hard that the wind in my lungs was shot out.
I promised to you that I'd carry on your legacy, that I would never let it fade away, yet the idea of you... is already gone.
I still hold the memories of you, our cherished times together, though they were short.
Yet your last moments I will never forget. When you passed away so soundly on the bed that your wife laid next to.

She held you, I'm sure. Held you close even when she knew the feeling of your warm presence was gone.
She had never left you even in those moments and had informed us the next morning of your passing.
I would never forgive myself for letting you go without saying, "Goodbye" as that was the worst mistake of my life.