The Knives of My Mind

" The idea is malevolent. "

The times in which you will feel the most alone are the ones in which you are forlorn with your inner thoughts.
When you're down and isolated, you relinquish yourself to your inner turmoil as it torments you, tying knots.
It's the way in which you feel so empty, hit with a wave of dejection and a feeling of obstruction, a feeling of something lost.
It's the way the sentiment badgers you and plays with your mind, making you feel lost in time with its force.
It's the way you had been so easily swoon to believe such things and that gives it the power to control you. Taking what it wants with no remorse.

It's been such a desperate ride of looking for yourself in the emptiness that is false answers and self pity.
People are drawn to the answers they believe they deserve which drives them into a spiral; a dreadful city.
This city is the one the brain would go to that holds the worst thoughts, the scariest emotions, and the dirtiest urges that one needs to trounce.
It's something that someone yearns to get rid of and something they cannot stand. It takes hold of you and slams you violently into objects that are sharp and impale you with pain and horrible emotions; keeps you clasped in this house.
Something that can imprison you so quickly is the very thing people fear, the thing that I fear and fills me with doubts.

As I lay in my bed and these thoughts take hold of me, this is what leads me to believe in the things that consume me.
When I laid here, covering my stomach, curling up and letting the thoughts bring me to tears, I felt trapped and never free.
I sat in the thoughts that can demolish, the thoughts that are so belittling; I was in a pool of sadness for mere moments and I hated the feeling, I'm sure you can agree.
I could sit here and try to describe the pain that had consumed me in that moment but I would never be able to convey it properly. It felt like a pit in my stomach and I wanted to flee.
I laid there as tears brimmed in my eyes as my thoughts dwelled on the fact I couldn't have what I had wanted for it's something beyond what I can see.

Sometimes we get locked into something that we cannot control and something we cannot escape.
And as life sets the stage, it beckons us to tragedy and allows the fear to take shape.
You start to feel something break and it tears away at you like an earthquake of emotions and it leaves your mouth agape.
I could not imagine the pain in which someone has to go through everyday as it is a gruesome battle and its only purpose is to make you lose it; something that captivates you and keeps you locked there, never to escape.