The One [a Roman Reigns story]

26 Feelings

Novalee POV

I gently wiped a tear from my eye as I stared at the test I was holding in my free hand. Once again it was a negative. I really tried not to get frustrated but it was hard.

Slowly but surely thoughts of failure crept into my head. I felt like I was letting Roman down. He was so excited about the thought of becoming a father and the devastated look on his face whenever a test was negative was like an extra punch in the gut.

Sure... these things took time. My body had to work off the hormones I had been taking for years with the birth control pill. But somehow I had expected or rather hoped that it would not take long. My gut feeling had always told me that if we went for it, we would be pregnant very quickly.

Well.... this feeling has now finally flown out the window. That was also the reason why I only did these tests when Roman was not at home. I couldn't stand the disappointment I was causing him. It was enough when I was mentally beating myself up. 

The only thing that cheered me up at the moment was the fact that the wedding was approaching. Only 4 more weeks! Hard to believe.

We had talked about many different options for our wedding. First, we wanted to have a church wedding with lots of friends and the huge family. But just the thought of it made my throat close u. When we were there to look at a big church, I almost had a panic attack as the memories of the last time came flooding back.

How I ran down the aisle in my wedding dress and slapped my ex in the face before throwing the ring through the church. It was almost as if I had suffered from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Not that anyone could blame me after everything that had happened to me.

It was just weird, because I usually didn't have a problem with church. But to get married there? Somehow I couldn't do that.

Roman was so understanding. Even if he would have found it nice to tie the knot there, he could understand why I felt that way.

Then we talked about the possibility of getting married on St. Lucia, especially the location in the tree house would have been fantastic. But it would have been unrealistic to fly in all of our guests if we could only have 20 of them there.

So in the end we decided to celebrate here. Here in our wonderful, big garden. A wedding in October. It would have a fall theme. With lots of colorful leaves and flowers. Candles and linen. Just warm and cozy.

My Das even specially built an arch out of old wood that we could later plant with roses or other flowers.

I spent the next few hours cleaning the house to get my mind off things. But as it was with those chores. They often occupy only the hands, not the mind. 

That's why I took a break and sat down at my piano. That has always been my escape. This time, too, it helped me to simply unwind. The music filled the room. Almost like the scent of hundreds of flowers swaying in a gentle breeze.

I was so absorbed that I did not hear the door. Only when I felt Roman's lips on my temple, I realized that I was no longer alone.

"Oh hi future husband." I said, but didn't stop playing as I looked up at him and smiled.

"Hi Shortcake. How's my favorite girl?" he asked as he sat down next to me.

"She's fine... I'm just taking a break from cleaning. And then I want to finish some of the decorations for our big day. How did it go? Does the suit fit?" I replied, giving him a kiss on the full lips.

"Yes, it fits and if I do say so myself.... I look amazing in it." he said before winking at me.

"I'll take your word for that. I can't wait to see you in it," I replied.

"Ditto. You're the only one who'll be paying attention to me that day, Shortcake." he said, giving me a kiss on the nose.

"I beg to differ. But now.... Do you want a snack? I should get on with work now." I said as I finally stopped playing and turned in his direction.

"No... Can I help you?" he wanted to know.

"Sure. Take out the trash, please... Well, all of it... Not just the kitchen's. The bathrooms, the studio and the gym." I replied with a laugh because I knew it wouldn't happen otherwise.

"Will do, Mrs. almost Reigns." said Roman, sticking his tongue out at me before going about his task.

This man... he made me so happy. And I think if I made him half as happy as he made me, that was powerful. Maybe it just wasn't time for a baby yet. I shouldn't worry so much. I always knew all too well that the things we loved came into our lives in their own time.