Why Even Try (Book 1 of 4)

Chapter 7 - Feeling more Aware

The morning sun streams through my window and I feel well-rested and refreshed; or at least better than I have felt for the past few weeks. I get up and grab a cup of tea and pastry that is on the small cart in my room. Still clad in my fluffy robe, fluffy socks, and silky shorts and camisole for pajamas, I step out on my terrace. Before anyone can see me, I cast a shield charm to continue in my anonymity. It feels good to just sit, and not have those thoughts from the training flashing in front of my eyes.

I guess Bard was right, the visions just go away. This is one of the times that I feel more like my usual self. Thank the Norns I survived...

"Hello,? " my mom says as she knocks and opens my door. She sees me on the terrace and steps outside to join me.

"You're up! And appear lucid," she shrieks, "I am glad you are, how are you feeling?"

"I think ok," I respond and laugh, she looks around and then back to me with a question, "I cast a shield charm. I am not quite ready to be seen, by anyone."

My mom smiles and nods and helps herself to some tea and the pastries.

"These are the pastries that Loki brought this morning," she says, "you were still sleeping. He's been bringing them every day and night since you left. You know he showed up in the park after I..."

"What do you mean this morning?" I ask, "wasn't that last night he stopped by?"

"Well, yes he did stop by last night, but when you felt his presence," she continues, "that was 3 days ago. You have been sleeping on and off for all of that time."

She stops when she sees the concern and panic on my face.

"But darling, you must know that's to be expected." She continues, "you have been through a lot, and had a minimal amount of time to rest and relax. You did wake, shower, and plod through a day for a little bit, but you were very .... Catatonic."

She moves over and sits next to me and places my hair behind my ear. I am lost in my thoughts because evidently I was awake, but I wasn't aware that I was?

"It's normal, and I know you feel it isn't, but trust me" she laughs, "I slept for 5 days after my training ended. You did not leave our residence, and if you were up around the time that Loki would show up, I escorted you back to your room. He still is unaware that you are back. The good news is that nothing you face in any battle should ever be as bad as what you faced in your training"

"I did see your name on some of the scoreboards," I smile mischievously, "but now well...the ones where you were top, have been replaced by me"

We laugh and continue to chat while enjoying some pastries and tea.

"what will you do today?" she asks me, "I need to help prepare for yet another ball.."

"I was thinking of going into the village and getting some new clothes, and maybe even. have something different done with my hair."

My mom looks at me, as if she is really seeing me for the first time in a long time.

"I looked in the mirror this morning," I say, ""I look different, not a lot different just different, maybe it's a maturity thing.  I don't know how to exactly describe it"

My mom looks at me questioningly, so I continue because it just feels like I need to say things out loud to actually identify exactly how I am feeling.

"Not an older thing, I mean I still look young, and pretty..." I giggle when I see my mom crack a smile and nod, "there's just something a little different"

"I know exactly what you mean" she says, "it's not an older or more weathered look, you are just changing, and that is normal after all you have been through. Anyway... I think what you are considering with the hair and clothes is a wonderful idea and you can get your dress for the ball tonight, remember it has to be a white or an ivory color so as not to clash with the sash you and the others will receive tonight. Are you sure you don't want to have Edin make anything for you?"

"I am sure mom" I sigh, "Edin does beautiful work, but as soon as I would go to the palace boutique, word would get around that I am back, and I am just not ready to face ... everyone."

Smiling I finish my breakfast, shower and get ready for my day. In secret I have sent a message to Sif to ask her to meet me in the village for some shopping and fun before the ball tonight.

Sif and I spend the day, shopping, eating, and getting ready for the ball. We decide to stay in the village until it's time to go to the ball and walk in like regular guests. Sif told me that she hasn't really spent anytime with Thor or the warriors, she was doing some individualized training. As we sit at an unknown tavern, we enjoy some light food and champagne.

"No one has really seen Loki in weeks" she tells me, "your mom told me that he would stop by your place in the morning and in the evening. But what he did during the day is anyone's guess"

As I listen to Sif, it is surprising to me that she is spending so much time talking about Loki.

Does she like him? I thought she always liked Thor, but ...

"Anyway..." she continues and breaks me out of my reverie, "how do you like your dress for tonight? It's going to different that we all have to wear such a plain color, but I guess it just makes the sash stand out more. I get the impression that all of us who are new and old members of the Elite guard are supposed to be on some type of display..."

All too soon, and after many more glasses of champagne, Sif and I dress and head to the palace. It's actually interesting to go along with other villagers; to hear their conversations, and to find out by overhearing that many people would like to get to know Loki better. There is always a lively debate about who will be the next king, when will either Thor or Loki settle down, they are always in the tavern on Saturday nights with the warriors, seem to like to party, and on and on. Sif and I laugh, probably a lot more loudly than we normally would, because we know we have had a little champagne than we should have.

As we get closer to the glittering gold palace, my anticipation builds and I find myself getting more and more excited about the ball. Memories of past balls slip into my mind and cannot help but smile. I find myself wanting to see Loki in spite of him deciding not to talk with me prior to my training.

I want to talk with Loki, but I am still harboring some anger at him for taking away his friendship before I left. What would I say to him, when we finally see each other again?

"Did you hear what that lady said?" Sif asks me as she gently touches my arm to shake my back to present moment. I shake my head, "she said that there's a chance the Princes won't be at the ball tonight...I couldn't quite hear the rest, she and her friend started fawning about Thor."

Sif's tone is strangewhen she makes the comment about Thor, like she didn't like the comment, or shedid. I don't seem to be able to figure anything out lately. We continue towalk, and as I precaution I make sure I have concealed mine and Loki's empathiclink.