Why Even Try (Book 1 of 4)

Chapter 33 - Trying to Figure Out What to do Next

I push Valdemar off of me, and punch him with a force that he is blasted off of the bench.

"Did you hear that scream?" I look around for the source, someone is in extreme pain, but then I turn back to Valdemar.

He stands and makes a move to kiss me again, but I punch him once more.

"What are you doing?" I ask him as he gets off of the ground and touches his face.

"I couldn't help myself I just wanted to kiss you." He says, "I have wanted to kiss you since I first laid eyes on you yesterday. "

He stands to make a move to embrace me again, and can see that I am not currently returning the same feelings. He stops and backs away.

"Please, accept my apology for my actions; I know that is out of line for a gentleman on Asgard."

"Good night Valdemar."

This is all I could say in order to keep calm and not want to seal his lips shut for taking a kiss from a lady with such force. I leave him alone in the garden and return to my rooms; there is part of me that wants to go see Loki, but I am tired.. I am so tired and exhausted from everything today, mostly emotional exhaustion, that I flop into bed quickly...and I miss my mom.

Morning light streams in my rooms and I get up feeling different; not sure what I feel different about, or where that feeling is coming from, but I feel different. I cannot even describe what the feeling is. Getting up I shower and change into black leggings, black boots, and as green tunic to wear under my armor, which I left down at the practice courts.

I wonder if Loki will be practicing with us today...

Meeting Sif in the hallway and we link arms and head to the kitchens to get a quick breakfast, talk about the dance and then to spar. The kitchen staff knew to expect us this morning because we usually stop in for tea and some food before we go to practice. Many of the staff have been here for years and know us well. Sif and I enjoy our daily visits with the staff, and they have always been so congenial. We talk with the staff and each other about the dance.

"You ladies looked as though you had a good time last night," Frida, one of the maids says and Sif and I both nod.

"Lady F/n, you were with Sir Valdemar, correct?" Hilda asks she blushes slightly, "he's quite handsome isn't he? Is he as wonderful as he looks?"

But Thyra cuts in before I can answer.

"Many people were expecting you to go with Fandral, or.... Prince Loki.." Thyra says with disdain, "many think that you two are a couple anyway. If you are not you should let people know. However, your dance with the prince is the talk of the castle today..."

"Thyra, leave her be" Skarde the head chef, says, "she has her pick of young men vying for her attention, you both do," He says and ushers the ladies back to their work.

"Sorry ladies, Thyra has a slight crush on the Prince, and Hilda has her eye on Valdemar..." Skarde says, "of course I must ask, what would a gentleman have to do to be eligible for your hand Lady F/n?"

"Oh!" I exclaim, "just be yourself, like with any lady, and let whatever happens happen, right Sif" I smile and wink at Skarde who begins to blush. "Besides, not to upset Thyra, but I think that Loki already has his eye on someone else..." I say and give Sif a knowing look.

Before she can ask me what I mean, Ingrid interrupts us.

"You know Lady Sif and Lady F/n, you just missed the Princes by a few moments..." Ingrid says. "and ignore Skarde, he's such a flirt..."

She is the head of the kitchen and loves to play a matchmaker; Skarde is her son. She is good friends with both my mother and Sif's as well as the queen. Sif and I incline our heads as we giggle because we know what she is thinking.

"Oh good, they will need a good breakfast so they can stand a chance of beating us today..." Sif says, and we laugh.

Thank goodness we missed them, I am not quite ready to see or speak with Loki just yet. And if he is after Sif...

Good morning Darling, did you need me?

I choose to ignore Loki's telepathic call to me; not feeling quite ready to speak with him.

Darling? We still need to talk...

After eating we leave the kitchen and head to the practice courts and see that the guys are already there waiting for us; most of the guys. Loki is noticeably absent. I can't help but feel a pang that he isn't here and it is somehow my fault, but I have to push that thought from my head. I have not even had a chance to figure out what these feelings are and I would feel like it's my fault he isn't here. I can tell that I miss him not being there. It is unlike him to miss training, and why do I miss him? Ugggh, here I go again, can I find away to pretend I am not feeling well and leave?

Thor, Sif, Fandral and I greet each other and begin to fight, and lose track of time. I begin to lose myself in what I am doing; like I am not even aware that I am performing the movements, like I am watching myself from outside of my body. Eventually I end up sparring with Thor, because Sif and Fandral were easily beaten by me, but I don't remember fighting with them. I feel a strength and power that I didn't know I had. I feel unstoppable, and begin to channel this into my fighting. Thor puts up a fight, but eventually has to yield since I have knocked him on his back, straddling his stomach and holding a dagger to his throat, I ask if he yields, and he does.

"Lady F/n,!" Thor exclaims, "what has gotten into you today? I have never seen you fight like this, and your eyes have turned purple. When did you start fighting with daggers, like Loki?"

The sound of Thor's voice breaks into my thoughts, and I realize that was completely unaware of what I was doing. Taking stock of the situation, and seeing the fear in Thor's eyes, I stand up, vanish the dagger and offer him my hand to help him up.

"Nines! Thor, I am so sorry, I ..... I.... I don't know what came over me." I apologize to him and he pulls me into an all-encompassing embrace and holds me close to his well-muscled chest. His embrace is warm and caring, just what I need right now; I take a deep breath, close my eyes and just enjoy being held.

"My dear friend" he begins and strokes my hair, "are you sure you are alright? You don't seem to be quite yourself. You have never done that before." He says as he pulls back a little. "Your eyes are normal now."

Before Sif and Fandral come over and join in the hug, I take a moment and tell Thor that I am not ok, but I will be fine; I just have a lot on my mind lately and do not want to go into any details. As any brother would, he tells me that I can speak with him about anything and if Loki is the reason that I am downhearted he will take care of it. I cannot help but laugh at his overprotection of me. Our moment is broken by the sound of applause coming from the pink bench. Both Loki and Valdemar are clapping their hands wildly trying to outdo the other one. Our sparring has also caught the attention of other gentleman, and Fandral kids that it has to with the dance Loki and I shared.

"It made many young men take notice of you my friend," he says and smiles courteously

"What is with those two?" Sif asks and inclines her head towards Loki and Valdemar.

"Sif," Fandral says in a condescending tone as if she asked the most obvious question, "They are busy competing for the attention of our lovely F/n."

"No Fandral.... Valdemar might be trying to get my attention, but Loki isn't." I say and he looks at me with incredulity.

"He most certainly IS trying to get your attention dear, and quite possibly more." Fandral responds."We all know you and the prince went to dinner the other night"