Castles Crumbling

Unpacking (Chapter 4)

Me and Leah walked back to the canteen in silence. Everyone was still sitting there, just talking to each other. Leah and I were once again greeted by the group, and it made me feel like I was going to be comfortable with the team. Unfortunately, I needed to get settled into the apartment of Viv and Beth and the three of us left to do that. Not before picking up the many boxes with my stuff. Some of them would be useless until I lived on my own, like cutlery, plates and cookware. A few of the boxes held decorations that I had in my old apartment, only about half of what I used to have since my ex took the rest. Of course there were clothes, makeup products, skincare, the occasional trophy, medals, and books in the rest of them. It felt weird having my life packed up in boxes. 

Beth and Viv's car could only fit about half of the boxes I had, so we would have to go back to pick the rest up later. I would offer going back alone because they had already spent enough time helping me with various stuff. I couldn't have them driving me everywhere, I needed to get my own car or maybe a card for the public transport. It was bad enough that I had to stay with them, but that was only for a month. After that I would have to rely on myself for getting to and from practice. I hated driving so maybe public transport was the best choice. It wasn't a long drive from the Training Centre, maybe just 10 minutes. That was very much walkable, at least for a month. Maybe I could I get a bike to save some time, I biked everywhere in Barcelona and back in Sweden. It took some time, but it was enjoyable, and I always felt good after. 

The ride to their apartment was quiet, I was looking out of the window thinking. All that while taking in how my new home looked. It was gray, rainy and looked like a small village you see in movies. A noticeably big change from Barcelona where I lived in the middle of the city. It would probably be a lot calmer here, maybe it was for the better. 

When we got to their apartment I realized that it wasn't an apartment but a house. And a very pretty one with flowers in every window and a small garden. If I ever lived with someone this is the kind of house I would want. Probably a big maybe considering none of my relationships had been going well at all. 

"This is our house. We have three spare rooms so you can choose which one you want. I can show you my favorite, it is bigger than the two other and has a private bathroom." Beth said while grabbing one of the moving boxes. I grabbed the heaviest one, the one filled with all my books. It was barely movable, but I succeeded getting it inside. We continued getting all boxes and bags inside and went back to the stadium. Neither Beth nor Viv would let me go alone, saying they couldn't do that when it was my first day in the city. The same routine happened once again, them helping me carry boxes and bags into the house and up the stairs into the ridiculously cute room. It had vintage wallpaper and a floor length mirror with a gold frame. I cold live here for a month before moving into my own place. 

I started packing up the boxes with music playing in my headphones. The first box was just filled with clothes, and I placed them all in the closet. Organizing as I went. Box number two were filled with my books and all of them got placed on the shelf along one of the walls. I left most of my books to my old teammates in Barcelona because they are way to heavy to carry. I saved the once with sentimental value and my favorites.

The second box held pictures of my family and friends. The first one I grabbed was a picture of me and my grandparents on a mountain celebrating getting up. They all made smile and appreciate how far I've gotten and how I couldn't have made it without their help. I loved having framed pictures on the walls and on shelves. It made me feel more like home and more secure with the support of my family. This box also held my trophies and medals, my mom always told me to be proud of myself and my achievements and almost forced me to have them visible. 

I continued packing up and getting the room to feel like mine. The bathroom cabinet were soon filled with makeup, skincare and my medicines. Both painkillers but also anti-anxiety meds. Without them I had a tough time living, considering having lots of anxiety on them. Not that I would admit it to anyone except my therapist and the medical staff here at Arsenal. 

It feels bittersweet writing this knowing I got to spend way too little time with my grandparents before they passed away. Realized yesterday that I had forgotten their voices and I still miss the things we never got to do. I can't visit their grave without breaking down and I have so much I want to tell them and experience with them. Like graduating, getting married and stuff like that. But this is not supposed to be me feeling like shit. Promise to take care of yourselves and remember that you are loved and appreciated. 

Probably posting less often now but trying to get a few parts out at least

Love E