Castles Crumbling

Confessions (Chapter 11)

Leah's POV

She looked so good in Arsenal clothes and colors, I couldn't believe it. During the theory part I watched her closely, she was so concentrated at Jonas and how we would be playing. I heard everything he said and watched the harder parts, but the rest of the time my eyes were at her. Discussing with Katie and Steph when Jonas asked us questions, always answering with exactly what Jonas wanted to hear. She is so smart, saying things that I didn't know. Where did she learn everything. Ottilia was a goddess on the pitch, passing and running at a pace faster than what I thought was possible. She had a great left and right foot, which meant that you could never know which one she would use. That made her a strong teammate, but an even stronger opponent. 

Ottilia played as a midfielder and so did I most of the time. That meant that every time we played against each other her and I would be facing each other. The first time our teams played against each other with both of us on the squad were the bronze game in the World cup. She started and played the entire game, while I was on the bench. Sweden won and Ottilia scored an amazing goal with her left foot. I remember being so jealous of that goal and her, spent days researching her and her earlier games. Saying that I admired her play, after a few weeks of that obsession I realized that it was a crush. A crush that I still had. But who could blame me. Her dark brown hair, always put up into a ponytail on the field, were the perfect contrast to her green eyes. I could stare into those eyes for ages. 

Of course we had played against each other on club level, in Champions League. Barcelona had won all of the games, with her scoring in several of them, that was something I was less happy about. The second time we played against each other in our national teams were probably three weeks ago. Her Sweden losing against England with 4-0. The score didn't really reflect the game, Sweden had a lot of chances, but Mary saved them all. I managed to get a yellow card for tackling Ottilia. It wasn't a nice tackle, but a yellow card was a bit to unfair. Ottilia played really well, managing to get pastour defense several times and almost scoring during her chances. Luckily she didn'tand we went on to win the Euros.

The rest of practice went well, it was really chill. Then we got into recovery, everyone taking ice-baths and stuff like that. When it was Ottilia's turn, I saw that her feet were blue in a lot of places, in the same pattern as football studs. Who could have done that to her? It looked like it hurt a lot, I wouldn't want to have those bruises on my feet and having to put on soccer boots over them.

After recovery I walked into the locker room. It was empty except for one of the cubbies where Ottilia was sitting. "How did you get those nasty bruises on your feet?" I asked her, my voice sounding annoyingly cheerful. "The Euros semifinal, when you kicked away my feet from the ball and earned your yellow card." She answered sounding very annoyed at my question. "But you probably already knew that, because why else would you ask?" She continued, with the same annoyed tone as before. "I'm sorry" I answered, and I genuinely was sorry. "I didn't know, and they are still there. I must have kicked you hard." I answered her, my voice still sounding absurdly cheerful. "You did" She said, her tone very short. 

"I really am sorry for that, and for how I behaved yesterday at the story. Just been a little much lately." I confessed to her, not telling the entire truth because I wanted us to be friends. If I told her what I really felt than I would be in trouble, she probably wasn't even gay. "I know that doesn't excuse my behavior, but I have been struggling. It just makes me have a bad temper and a short fuse. I am so sorry" I continued. "Well, it doesn't excuse anything. One second you want to be my friend, and the next you are yelling at me for asking you a question. Can't you just decide" She blurted out. "I want to be your friend, I struggle with regulating my emotions when I have an endo-flareup. It causes me so much pain that the slightest stress moment or wrong timing makes me mad." I confessed to her. Don't know why since so many people judge me for that. 

Ottilia got quiet for a few seconds. "I'm sorry. It must be awful. I have a hard time with emotions around my period, partly because of the pain and partly because of the hormones. I can't even imagine what you are going through." She answered me, sounding sorry for that. "It's okay" I said quietly while she walked forward and pulled me in for a hug.

I so need a girlfriend in my life. Where can I buy one?