Castles Crumbling

ACL-squad (Chapter 38)

The trip to Manchester was long. I sat next to Leah and joined in with the singing and dancing. All of it was a façade, but I didn't want everyone else to know how I was feeling. Leah noticed and held my hand. She had a concerned smile on her face every time I looked at her. "It makes me feel better Lee, I promise." I whispered to her. "I'm worried, it's your first game on the bench since you got injured" she whispered back. "I'll manage, join in with the fun love. I want you to have a great game and not to worry about me." I whispered back. "It's hard when I love Otto" she whispered. A warm burst of air hit me right behind my ear and it formed goosebumps all over me. It was weird how she could do that to me without even touching my body. 

When Leah made her way out on the pitch a wave of pride hit me. She was leading the team. She was leading our team. Tears escaped my eyes, and I buried my head in the comfortable embrace of Beth. I sat in between her and Viv, it was the only way I could be here. I wanted to be out on the pitch, running and scoring. Not sitting on the bench, with months left until I could even kick a ball. "It's all going to work out sweetie, it's okay that it hurts right now." Beth whispered and pulled Viv into the hug. Her long arms wrapped around the two of us gave me a sense of security. They both were surviving their injuries. Neither of them had locked themselves inside and refused to talk to people because of it. They were stronger than I would ever be.

Everything was going okay until the twelfth minute. Leah went down, it wasn't a tackle. She was running and then she was on the ground. Her head was against the ground, and we all knew all too well what it might be. "What if she also has done it Beth?" I asked, panic shining through with every word. "What if she can't play anymore?" I asked, tears streaming down my face. "We don't know what it is yet, all we can do is to be there for her." Viv answered me calmly.

It took minutes before she walked of, hugging Jonas on the way out before being helped into the tunnel by Kim. I followed behind slowly. I wasn't faster than Leah. My knee hurt with every step, but that didn't matter. All that mattered to me was Leah. Was she okay? Was it her ACL?

I opened the door and there she was. She had tears in her eyes and was staring at nothing. In that moment I knew she had done it. The look on her face told me more than her words ever could do. It was the look of defeat, the look I had on my face most of the time the last two weeks. I went up to her and kissed her forehead. At the same time, she grabbed onto my hand. It was desperate. She needed the touch, she needed the reassurance that everything would be okay. "I think I've done Otto. I think I tore my ACL." Leah whispered. "I hope you haven't Lee. I wouldn't wish that upon you." I told her while rubbing circles on her back with my free hand. "Maybe I deserve it after my game against Australia." she responded defeated. "Look at me Leah. You deserve nothing but the best. You are the best. I don't know what I would do without you." I told her honestly. "You have been there for me these past weeks. Never did you pressure me to talk about anything. All you did was listen and comfort me when everything was too much. We will get through this together. It doesn't matter if you have torn it or not. I'll be there for you. I love you so much Leah." I continued. My voice was full of confidence, even though tears were streaming down my face. "I love you more Ottilia. You can't even imagine how much I love you." Leah responded. Kissing my lips in the process. 

It was indeed her ACL. She was out with me. For the first days she mourned the loss of football. She barely said a word to me, I didn't force her to. She never forced me to talk. Nonetheless I talked to her, more than I usually did. I wanted her to feel like I was there for her.

Every night she slept in my arms. Most nights she cried herself to sleep. I felt so worthless, I couldn't do anything to take the pain she was feeling away. When I spent a night at the hospital after my surgery, I forced someone to stay over. I couldn't leave her alone, even though that was what she wanted. Leah was there for me before I went into surgery, after I got out of surgery and when I woke up the next morning. She slept in the chair. Saying that she needed to be with me. That she couldn't be alone when I was here. I was grateful for her. I needed her as much as she needed me. 

The first week after my surgery was spent in the quiet. I had no energy to try and keep a conversation. Most nights I woke up in pain, trying to quietly move into the bathroom to take a painkiller. That was difficult when you depended on crutches. Leah woke up every time. Grabbing me a painkiller from the bathroom and then falling back asleep. After three nights repeating the same pattern I found the painkillers on the nightstand, along with a glass of water. Even though we barely spoke we both did things to make the other one feel better. 

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